


Double Down

by lusthees



Series: The Best Man (Wedding! Minisong) [2]
Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: 00z VS 02z LET'S GO, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Double Dating, Established Relationship, M/M, Marriage Proposal, also tws but not until ch 2, and woobin is the mediator who's in the middle of it all, hyeongjun is sad, jungmo and minhee fight a lot, um idk what else to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28256076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lusthees/pseuds/lusthees
Summary: Of course, it was one thing sitting together at a table for two. Now, things were moving quickly, and the table for four was a sure sign of their progressing relationship. It didn’t help that one of those four chairs would be filled byKoo Jungmo.After all, Jungmo and Minhee had something that Hyeongjun would never have with Minhee:History.—alternatively, Minhee and Hyeongjun go on their first double date with Jungmo and Woobin.
Relationships: Kang Minhee & Koo Jungmo, Kang Minhee/Song Hyeongjun, Koo Jungmo/Seo Woobin
Series: The Best Man (Wedding! Minisong) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906459
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	1. Table for Four

**Author's Note:**

> Things to Consider:  
> 1\. This fic will change everything you thought about the characters; not everyone is the way they make themselves out to be. In other words, **the characters are perfectly imperfect.**  
>  2\. Regardless of the characters’ thoughts, actions, or dialogue, **the truth will be revealed by the end.**  
>  3\. Regardless of the characters’ thoughts, actions, or dialogue, **Minisong and Mogubin are still endgame.**  
>  4\. Chronologically, **this fic takes place three months after Jungmo and Woobin’s wedding.**  
>  5\. **This is not a stand-alone fic.** The scenes and motifs parallel those in The Best Man, and there will be multiple references to this fic’s predecessor. So, for maximum enjoyment, stop what you’re doing, and read [The Best Man](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24342907/chapters/58698547) before proceeding (shameless self plug hehe)

**double date (n.) — a date in which two couples participate**

—

Hyeongjun feels like he’s levitating whenever he wakes up next to Minhee in the morning.

The first time Minhee spent the night (aside from the not-so-cute drunken ‘meet-cute’) occurred because of a little trick Minhee had planned.

It was last month when the pair had only been together for a little over two months. They were seated at Hyeongjun’s mahogany kitchen table, the room illuminated by the pale yellow lights. The rich, savory aroma of spices, herbs, and tender meat remained in the kitchen despite them finishing their dinner minutes ago. 

_Their_ dinner. When they first got together, Hyeongjun found it weird to say that. But the more Minhee came over and the more meals they shared together, the less unusual that phrase became.

_Their dinner. Their meals._

_Their relationship._

Hyeongjun didn’t want it to stop.

They laughed as they traded glasses of colorful concoctions, ready to taste-test each other’s drinks for _another_ smoothie competition. 

“There’s no way you’re winning this one!” Minhee declared, cutely scrunching his nose at Hyeongjun. “I’ve become a connoisseur at making drinks; if I do so say so myself!”

Hyeongjun coyly raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re really going to say that to a _bartender?”_ he challenged.

“Hey, I won the first time!” Minhee reminded him.

“And I won all the next ones after that!”

“That still doesn’t change the fact that your original hangover cure sucks.”

“It cured your headache, didn’t it!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway, taste my smoothie!”

Ultimately, Minhee caved in and reluctantly declared Hyeongjun’s ultra-sweet strawberry-coconut smoothie the winner of this round.

“Looks like I’m still the smoothie master after all!” Hyeongjun gloated while a bitter Minhee sulked at him.

“I let you win!” he said.

“You use that same pathetic excuse every time you lose,” Hyeongjun said as he leaned across the table. “Anyway, you know the rules! Loser has the honor of doing the dishes!”

Minhee stuck his tongue out at him as he cleared the kitchen table and defeatedly retreated to the kitchen. 

It was already late by the time Minhee finished the dishes, so the two reluctantly said goodbye to one another.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Minhee promised, looking down at Hyeongjun with loving sincerity. “It’ll be like I never left! I still have to break your smoothie streak!”

Minutes after he left, Hyeongjun heard pounding at his front door while he was preparing for bed.

“Coming!” Hyeongjun said with his toothbrush still in his mouth. He quickly spat out the remaining toothpaste, rinsed his mouth, and dashed to the front door only to find Minhee standing in the hallway. 

“You surely are a man of your word,” Hyeongjun says, rolling his eyes at Minhee’s presence. “It hasn’t even been ten minutes!”

“I may or may not have parked in the wrong area and gotten my car towed,” Minhee said sheepishly, eyes opened wide like a precious puppy. 

“What is it with you and always getting your car towed!” 

“It won’t happen again, I promise!” 

“Just come on in!” Hyeongjun reached for his arm and energetically yanked him inside before closing the door behind him. 

While Minhee got dressed and cleaned up for bed, Hyeongjun gathered plush pillows and thick comforters and brought them towards the living room.

“You’re sleeping on the couch?” Minhee asked as he entered the living room.

“Yeah,” Hyeongjun answered as he neatly laid all the blankets down. “Unless you want to?”

“We’ve already been on a few dates. I don’t see a problem with us sharing your bed.” 

Hyeongjun stopped. Slowly, he turned around to face Minhee. Despite the casualness of his request, his cheeks were as bright pink as Hyeongjun’s strawberry smoothie. He awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, clearing his throat as he waited for Hyeongjun to react. Hyeongjun did his best to not poke fun at him, but he couldn’t stifle his laughter, and a light snicker danced on his lips. “In that case,” he said, “I don’t see a problem either.”

Just like how Hyeongjun grabbed onto him minutes earlier, Minhee did the same and pulled him towards the bedroom. He hugged Hyeongjun tight as they collapsed onto the soft mattress. Hyeongjun squealed childishly as they fell back, then was speechless as soon as he landed facing Minhee. Two months wasn’t a long time—Hyeongjun knew that. But even after seeing Minhee almost every day during that short duration, his delicately chiseled features always caught Hyeongjun off-guard. He habitually started counting his freckles again, and he found himself breathless with each constellated speckle. 

Minhee nuzzled his face into Hyeongjun’s fluffy sweater and wrapped his arm around him. “Can I tell you a secret?” he murmured. 

“Anything,” Hyeongjun whispered back.

“My car is fine; it didn’t get towed,” he admitted. “I just wanted an excuse to stay longer and spend the night.”

Hyeongjun lightly smacked Minhee’s forehead before grabbing his cheeks. “You dummy, why didn’t you just ask? You know I would’ve said yes.”

“Where’s the fun in that!” Minhee said, his words muffled from Hyeongjun still squishing his face.

“Hey, I’m being serious! If you ever want to sleep here, just ask.” Hyeongjun let go of Minhee’s cheeks and brushed his fingers through his thick, dark hair before planting a kiss on the top of his head. “I’ll take care of you, okay?”

Since then, Minhee would crash at Hyeongjun’s place almost every night, and Hyeongjun would count his freckles almost every night.

Today is different from the other mornings. Instead of levitating, Hyeongjun is lying face down in his pillows, refusing to move.

“Good morning, Hyeongjun,” Minhee says sweetly.

“Mmm, five more minutes,” Hyeongjun mumbles.

“Ah, I won’t argue with that.” Minhee laces his arms around Hyeongjun, his warm breath lingering on the nape of his partner’s neck. 

Five minutes becomes an hour (though it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it), and Minhee wakes Hyeongjun again.

“C’mon sleepyhead!” Minhee says as he shakes Hyeongjun’s shoulders. “You’re usually up much earlier than me!”

Hyeongjun rolls over and sprawls out over the entire mattress. _“You’re_ the one who kept me up late last night!” he says between yawns. 

“It’s not my fault you’re so ticklish!” Minhee rebuttals. “Every time I kiss you, you always flinch and spend the whole night giggling!” 

“Then don’t kiss my ticklish spots!”

“Don’t ask for kisses in the first place!”

“Well, stop being a good kisser!”

“I’m flattered that you think my kisses are good enough to keep you up all night,” Minhee laughs. “But for real, it’s time to get up. We don’t want to keep Jungmo and Woobin waiting.”

_Right. That’s today,_ Hyeongjun remembers as he sits up. 

It’s not that Hyeongjun wasn’t looking forward to his and Minhee’s first double date; he was. Double dates were something real couples did, after all.

They were a real couple, right? 

Sure, it had only been three months since they met, but Hyeongjun was attracted to Minhee from the start. Even watching him messily bullshit his way through his wedding speech had Hyeongjun intrigued. Plus, Minhee was the one who initiated the first date, and things had been going well since then. They spent each day mentally checking off their to-do list of firsts: first movie date, first long drive together, and Hyeongjun’s personal favorite, first kiss. 

It had been a perfect first three months, with Hyeongjun and Minhee relishing each night at their table for two. 

Of course, it was one thing sitting together at a table for two. Now, things were moving quickly, and the table for four was a sure sign of their progressing relationship. It didn’t help that one of those four chairs would be filled by _Koo Jungmo._ After all, Jungmo and Minhee had something that Hyeongjun would never have with Minhee:

History.

And the problem with history is it always repeats itself, and what happened in the past could easily bleed into the following chapters. Clearing the past from the pages is an impossible task; it’s painful, it’s permanent, it’s persistent, and it punches back in a pattern. 

Nevertheless, Hyeongjun tries to remain optimistic about their first double date. Today, they’d be checking another new item off their to-do list of firsts. 

The two get ready, hop into Minhee’s car, and begin driving towards the restaurant for their lunch date. 

“Are you excited?” Minhee asks, jittery with anticipation.

“Of course,” Hyeongjun says amicably. “But if I’m being completely honest, I am a little bit nervous.”

“About?”

“I don’t know, I guess meeting Jungmo and Woobin. Particularly Jungmo.”

Minhee immediately bursts into uncontrollable laughter. “You’re nervous about meeting _Koo Jungmo!”_ he wheezes, barely able to get the words out. “Koo Jungmo? The same Koo Jungmo who always trips over his feet and refuses to go bungee jumping with me!”

“I’m just not sure what he’ll think of me being your boyfriend, that’s all.”

Minhee slams the brakes hard, causing the two of them to lurch forward and hit bounce back into their seats with sharp force. “Did you say _boyfriend?”_ Minhee asks breathily.

Hyeongjun blinks at him, confused by his seemingly startled reaction. “Isn’t that what we are?” he questions curiously. “Boyfriends?”

Minhee replaces his perplexed expression with a subtle smile. “Yes, yes, of course, we are,” he answers as he lightly presses down on the accelerator. He reaches for Hyeongjun’s left hand and squeezes it tight. “Sorry, it’s just different hearing it out loud.”

Hyeongjun stops levitating, falling from the clouds and crashing down into black water. Wherever he turns, he’s met with unrecognizable darkness. 

It’s a new kind of darkness. It’s not the same darkness of his unlit kitchen with the empty table or the darkness of a wedding ballroom after the lights dim for the couple’s final dance of the night. It’s the kind of darkness where no matter where he looks, he’s surrounded by murky waters. The more he tries searching for the surface, the more he feels himself gasping for air as the shaded waves pull him under. 

For the first time since meeting Minhee, he’s _drowning._

Another first to check off the list.

_Make it stop! I want everything to stop!_

“Hey, are you listening?” Minhee chimes in, oblivious to Hyeongjun’s shift in mood.

Hyeongjun blinks, and he's momentarily pulled above the water. “What did you just say?”

“You better not be falling asleep! I let us sleep in for an extra hour!” he teased. “Anyway, I was saying, don’t worry about Jungmo. I’m sure he’s gonna love you!”

—

“I already hate him,” Jungmo says, deadpanned, tightly clenching the wheel.

“Babe, we haven’t even met the guy,” Woobin says calmly. 

“Okay, I don’t necessarily hate _him._ I just find something off about the relationship.”

“And here we go again,” Woobin snickers. “Friendly reminder this double date was _your_ idea!”

“Because I needed to check up on Minhee! Isn’t it—”

“—weird that Minhee met Hyeongjun the night of our wedding while drunk off his ass, and now they’re dating?” Woobin finishes. His husband was always predictable, constantly relaying, and repeating himself. It was an annoying quirk at times, but Woobin eventually learned to complete Jungmo’s thoughts for him.

“So, you agree?”

“Not necessarily. I’ve just gotten _really_ good at finishing your sentences.”

“I guess that’s what happens when you marry me.”

“Sadly.”

“Hey!”

“You know I’m just teasing,” Woobin says reassuringly. He then reverts the conversation back to Minhee’s relationship. “I guess it is an unconventional pathway to pursuing a relationship. But I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s bad?” 

“Nevermind, it’s hard to explain.”

“Are things alright with you and Minhee?”

“What?”

“Yeah, ever since the wedding, whenever someone brings him up, you get worried, almost defensive,” Woobin explains. “Something happened between you two.”

Jungmo tenses up for a moment, holding in his breath before answering his husband. “I’m just concerned about him, that’s all. He hasn’t been in a relationship in years. I just…” he pauses for a moment, taking a quick glance at Woobin. “I was lucky enough to end up in a perfect relationship with the most perfect person. But, like, I don’t know, some people aren’t as lucky as us, you know? What if, what if Minhee is like that? What if he’s just doomed to be unlucky? What if this Hyeongjun-dude is, dare I say it, _bad luck?”_

Woobin ponders on Jungmo’s answer for a bit. “I can’t think of anything more unlucky falling for someone who would never love you back,” he says finally.

Jungmo tenses up again. 

“See, you understand me perfectly,” he says carefully. He slowly relaxes his shoulders and hopes Woobin doesn’t notice his erratic behavior. “You’re my good-luck charm, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Is it so wrong to want the same for my best friend? And to protect him from getting hurt again?”

“Of course not,” Woobin says. “But you won’t always be able to protect him, okay? Sometimes, you just have to let him take the wheel and let him drive on his own.”

“I know,” Jungmo sighs. “But I won’t be doing that today!”

They pull into the parking lot, get out of the car, and enter the restaurant.

HanBul is one of the more upscale eateries in the area. The tables, each covered with a crisp, linen table cloth, are carefully arranged in the courtyard. The guests are surrounded by lush, emerald greenery and radiantly-colored flora. Above the tables are wooden beams to hold up rows of twinkling lights. It’s early afternoon, but the lights give the illusion of starlit midnight. 

“I’m excited to eat here,” Woobin says, admiring every detail of the ornate outdoor set-up. “I’ve heard good things about it.”

Minhee and Hyeongjun are already seated at their table for four, and Minhee waves them over.

“Still tardy as ever!” Minhee jokes.

“Hey, I woke him up early!” Woobin says defensively as they take their seats. “But he decided to just mingle around instead of getting ready.”

“And we’re only five minutes late,” Jungmo finishes. He turns towards Hyeongjun, eyeing him curiously. “You must be Hyeongjun. You’re Minhee’s—sorry, what are you guys again?”

Hyeongjun starts tapping his foot rapidly, unsure of what to make of Jungmo’s abrupt question. Minhee quickly takes charge and clarifies for the two of them. “Boyfriends,” he answers assertedly. “We’re boyfriends.”

“Wow, you guys have a label,” Jungmo says, nodding slightly. “Already? That’s kinda fast. You know when Woo—”

“The braised short ribs sound delicious, don’t you think, babe?” Woobin interjects. He shoots his husband a look, forcing him to back down.

The rest of the conversation is awkward and insipid. It’s a roundabout of uninteresting, unemotional Q&As: 

_“What’s your field of work? Marketing. Ah, sounds interesting. What about you? Oh wait, you worked at our wedding. Bartender, right?”_

All four of them are relieved once their meals arrive, allowing them a temporary escape from the exasperating exchanges. While eating, the mood becomes livelier, but the conversation is mostly related to how tasty the food is or how pretty the scenery is.

“Oh my gosh, I love your wedding rings!” Hyeongjun exclaims during the meal. 

“Oh, this?” Woobin says as he displays his hand. Wrapped around his finger is a band of white gold. The captivating centerpiece is the gleaming gem embedded in the center of a metal four-leaf clover.

“The detailing on the clover is so pretty,” Hyeongjun sighs whimsically. “Don’t you think so, Minhee?”

Minhee doesn’t answer. His lips are pressed together as he vacantly gazes at the ring.

“I picked these out,” Jungmo gloats as he shows off his own ring, and Woobin playfully rolls his eyes at him. 

“It’s a callback to our first anniversary,” Woobin explains enchantingly. 

“Ooh, can I tell them!” Jungmo pleads with lively eagerness.

“I-I think we’ve heard this story enough times,” Minhee interrupts. “You don’t have to repeat yourself again.”

“Hyeongjun hasn’t heard it,” Jungmo says insistently, suspiciously squinting his eyes at Minhee. “Anyway, babe, where were we again?”

“You took me to the cherry blossom gardens for a picnic,” Woobin reminisces. 

“Ah yes, I remember now! We were sprawled out on the cozy blanket you got me for Christmas! I had my guitar out, and you sang along while feeding me bites of your homemade cooking.”

“Of course, Jungmo being Jungmo, forgot to bring me an anniversary gift! And here I was, waking up at dawn to cook all of his favorite meals!”

“I felt so awful, like, _Argh, our first anniversary, and I didn’t even think to stop by the shops and pick something out!”_ Jungmo continues. “He kept insisting it was fine, but I felt so guilty, so I swore to myself I’d make it up to him and deliver him the most precious present. Then, just as we were packing up and clearing our things, I found _it:_ a four-leaf clover, popping in between the blades of glass.”

“Then he handed it to me and said, ‘Happy anniversary, my good-luck charm.’”

“How romantic!” Hyeongjun says, nestling his cheeks in his palms. Out of his peripheral vision, he notices Minhee’s eye twitching slightly.

“I couldn’t have asked for a better anniversary gift,” Woobin says, heartstruck by the fond memory. “Did you know there’s a one in ten thousand chance of finding a four-leaf clover on the first try? Yet, somehow, Jungmo was lucky enough to find one, just like how I was lucky enough to find him. Finding that four-leaf clover was like finding Jungmo all over again. I felt that same luck brimming on our wedding day.”

“Wow, so everything just fell into place for you guys!” says Hyeongjun. 

“I guess you could say that,” Woobin says. “Yes, we’re very lucky that timing and chemistry were on our side, but a lot of it had to do with _us._ We listened and communicated our feelings with each other to find the perfect balance between our contrasting personalities. I think that’s something everyone forgets—you can’t just expect the perfect relationship to happen immediately. Timing and chemistry are a necessity, of course, but it’s up to the partners to elevate the relationship to perfection. You create the relationship you want. _Then,_ you know what to expect and _then_ you can start expecting things.”

“You know, I didn’t want to rush through our relationship,” Jungmo adds. “There’s a lot of things to consider when starting something new with someone new; it’s not just their feelings. You have to consider your _own_ feelings. It’s important to be careful.” He turns towards Minhee, glaring at him icily. “Right, Minhee?”

Minhee puts his fork down and clears his throat. “Jungmo, can I talk to you?” he says sharply. “Alone.”

Jungmo and Minhee get up from the table, turning the table for four into a table for three: Woobin, Hyeongjun, and awkward silence taking up a chair to itself.

“I’m so sorry about my husband,” Woobin apologizes. “I think he’s just caught off-guard about Minhee being in a relationship. He’s just worried for him, though, even I have to admit it’s kind of excessive.”

“Is it because it happened too fast?” Hyeongjun blurts out. 

“What?”

Hyeongjun fidgets, tugging on the tablecloth and shuffling his feet against the cement. “Do you think Minhee and I got together too fast?”

“Every relationship has its own pace, so I wouldn’t worry so much about that,” Woobin answers. “As long as you two have that connection and like each other, you’ll figure things out and progress at whatever speed you want. You do like him, right?”

“I do, _I definitely do._ But what if—what if Minhee isn’t ready?” Hyeongjun asks, slightly wincing at his own question. “To commit, I mean.”

“What makes you say that?” Woobin questions. 

“There’s this one thing that’s been in the back of my mind in the days leading up to this date,” Hyeongjun admits.

“You can talk to me. We only just met, but I’d be happy to give advice,” Woobin says sincerely.

Hyeongjun shifts again in his seat as he thinks it over but ultimately decides not to reveal too much. “Ah, it’s really not my place to say, though. I don’t know. Usually, I’m pretty good at reading people and picking up on their nuances, but I guess it’s harder to do that when you’re actually dating the person.”

“Hey, just remember what I said earlier: it’s up to _you_ to make this relationship perfect. If there’s something that’s bothering you, just talk to him or ask him about it.”

Hyeongjun looks down and bites his lip. “But what if he doesn’t give me the answer I want?” he says quietly. “Or even worse, what if he doesn’t answer me at all?”

“Even if his answer isn’t what you expected, at least you’ll get it out,” Woobin says. “It’s better you let him know rather than keep it all to yourself and deal with it alone.”

“Ah, I guess you’re right. I’m probably just being overdramatic. I’m sure I’ll stop feeling so anxious once I talk to him about it.”

“See, there’s no harm in doing that. And I’m sure Minhee will understand where you’re coming from.”

“This might sound stupid, but could I have your number? You give really good advice,” Hyeongjun laughs lightly. Woobin nods, graciously accepting Hyeongjun’s request. The younger slides his phone across the table, and Woobin calls his own number to save it.

“Thank you again!” Hyeongjun says after Woobin dials in his phone number. “Sorry, I have to go to the bathroom real quick. So much for our table for four, huh?”

“No worries! I’m sure Jungmo and Minhee will be back soon, so take your time.”

Hyeongjun nods and gets up from the table to head towards the restroom. He cuts through the decorated courtyard and reaches the building.

_Did the waiter say make a right at the hallway, and it’ll be on your left?_ Hyeongjun thinks to himself as he stands in the middle of the foyer, struggling to remember the directions. _Or did she say make a left at the hallway, and it’ll be on your right?_

“I’m just trying to give you advice!” 

Hyeongjun freezes and presses himself against the wall. The voice echoes throughout the foyer, bouncing off the white, marbleized walls and straight into Hyeongjun’s ears. It’s a curt voice, intertwined with an unrelenting acerbity.

“I didn’t ask for it! Hyeongjun and I aren’t you and Woobin, okay! Stop comparing us!”

Minhee’s voice. It’s even more scathing than Jungmo’s. 

“Who said I was comparing?”

“Then explain that whole thing with the wedding rings and the unwanted advice!”

“Hyeongjun asked.”

“No, he didn’t. You just decided to tell the story out of nowhere!”

“It’s a good conversation starter.”

“Maybe I didn’t want to have that conversation, Jungmo. Did you ever think about that?”

“Why didn’t you want to hear about it then, Minhee? Is it because you aren’t ready?”

“I’m not even thinking about marriage, so of course I’m not ready!”

“No, I meant ready to be in a relationship.”

_So I’m not the only one who noticed it,_ Hyeongun realizes.

“What the hell! Is that your whole reason for organizing this double date? So you would have an excuse to criticize me?”

“Do you love Hyeongjun?” Jungmo interrogates.

“Hyung, it’s only been three months,” Minhee says. “I can’t answer that now.”

“Do you think you’re even capable of loving him?” Jungmo continues. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Are you even ready to fall in love with someone new?”

“Someone _new?_ I’ve been single for years, what are you saying?”

Hyeongjun can tell Minhee is trying to remain calm, but he can hear his voice tightening between each word.

“Answer the question,” Jungmo demands.

“Is there something you know that I don’t?” Minhee asks, a hint of precaution in his voice.

“That depends on if you remember or not.”

“Remember what?”

“Nevermind, we’re getting sidetracked,” Jungmo says quickly. “So, Minhee, it’s a yes or no question. Are you capable of loving Hyeongjun?”

Minhee drops the hostility, taking a deep breath to mellow down. “I’d like to think I am. That first night at his place, he took care of me so well. I didn’t want it to stop. I just wanted whatever we started to keep going, and it’s turning out even better than I ever anticipated. I like him.”

Hyeongjun relaxes, comforted by Minhee’s words. 

“But what?” Jungmo asks. 

“There is no ‘but!’” Minhee insists.

“Yes, there is. You said you _think_ you’re capable. Something’s holding you back, yet you’re holding it in right now.”

“I like Hyeongjun! What’s so hard to understand?”

“Because liking someone isn’t the same as loving someone, and you know that.”

Jungmo’s voice penetrates through the walls, and Hyeongjun’s inner serenity simmers down and dissipates. 

“Except I really don’t, Jungmo! I’ve only been in love with one other person before meeting Hyeongjun, which isn’t a lot of experience, to be honest,” Minhee rebuttals. “I didn’t even date them! The point is, I don’t know yet if I’m capable of loving Hyeongjun because this will be the first time I’ll be falling in love ever since that first person rejected me.”

“You’re over this person, right?”

Minhee pauses for a moment before answering. “I hope so.”

“You _hope?”_ Jungmo rebukes. “So, you’re not even sure?”

“Look, if we get down to it, whatever I felt for that person back then isn’t the same as the way I currently feel for Hyeongjun,” Minhee answers. “That’s the truth. I don’t know if the truth is unfortunate or not. I don’t know if it’s good or bad or anything. Maybe that’s an awful thing to say. Maybe it’s a hopeful sign. I haven’t figured it out, and I haven’t figured it out because it’s all _different.”_

“You better figure it out then, Minhee,” Jungmo says harshly. “Or else—”

“You’re threatening me right now?” Minhee spits back. His reserved reactions from a second ago are gone; he’s fired up again. 

“You’re being stubborn again. You’re trying to hold your ground, but you know deep down I’m right.”

“Even if you were right—you aren’t, by the way—this isn’t your place, okay? You don’t see me meddling in you and Woobin’s marriage!”

Jungmo goes quiet as if he’s contemplating something. When he finally speaks up again, there’s an intense chill in his voice. “Mark my words, Minhee. Everything might seem okay now, but all of this will shatter like glass if you don’t figure out what you’re feeling.”

“I’m not going to hurt Hyeongjun.”

“I wasn’t talking about Hyeongjun,” Jungmo says. “I was talking about _you.”_

At that point, Hyeongjun knows he’s heard too much. He gasps for air, but each inhalation only floods his systems with water, water, and more water. 

_I’m drowning again._

Not even sure where he’s headed, he instinctively takes a left at the first hallway. Fortunately, it leads him straight to the bathroom. He hurriedly slams the door open and is immediately met by his mirrored image in the glass, looking back at him. 

His reflection is underwater with him too. 

Except it’s working against him, pushing him back into the waves each time he gets closer to the surface.

For the first time since meeting Minhee, Hyeongjun wants to punch his reflection again. 

When he returns to the table for four, a sullen Jungmo and Minhee are already seated. Both of them have their arms crossed as they stare each other down with a severe sternness.

Minhee automatically puts on a cheerful façade when Hyeongjun slides into the seat next to him. “Got room for dessert?” he asks with an insincere sweetness. 

Hyeongjun reaches for the end of the table cloth, bunching up the fabric in his hand. “Um, I’m full, actually. We can take the check now if you guys don’t mind.”

“Why don’t we let Jungmo decide,” Minhee says callously. “He is the one who organized this get-together! Apparently, that gives him the right to decide how everyone else feels?”

“If you’re ready for dessert, you can order dessert,” Jungmo says. “Though I personally think you shouldn’t move on from your entrée so quickly.”

“You know what!” Woobin interrupts, breaking the tension between the two best friends. “Obviously, the four of us are done eating, so why don’t we just call it an afternoon! Check, please!”

The drive back home is silent. 

Normally, Hyeongjun enjoyed silence with Minhee around. Silence was almost as therapeutic and calming as their conversations. Whenever they sat wordlessly together, it reminded Hyeongjun that even in moments of echoing, ear-piercing quiet, he still had Minhee. 

Minhee had this magical ability of making Hyeongjun feel wanted without saying a word. 

That was until this drive home, and now, the silence between them paralyzes Hyeongjun. He can’t move or swim, so he just stays frozen in the water, sinking further and further from the surface. 

Minhee parks the car, and the two walk up to the fourth floor, still not saying a word to one another.

“Hey—um—are you alright?” Minhee asks when they reach the apartment door, finally ending the harrowing hush between them.

Hyeongjun fakes a smile. “Why wouldn’t it be? Jungmo and Woobin are so nice. I can tell they want the best for us. The best for _you,_ if we’re being more precise.”

Minhee grabs hold of Hyeongjun’s wrists, wrapping his cold fingers around his skin. “That drive back home was quiet. _Too_ quiet. The last time we sat in awkward silence was the day you drove me to the towing company.”

“I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“We both know that’s not what’s bothering you.”

“I really am tired.”

“Was it Jungmo? Was it something he said that made you uncomfortable?”

_Actually, it was something_ you _said._ “No, it wasn’t.”

Minhee tightens his grip. “Hyeongjun, please don’t lie to me.” 

“I’m not lying.”

“Then what’s really wrong?”

That inked water is trying to push him down again, but Hyeongjun manages to momentarily pull himself to the surface. He takes a deep breath, barely breathing in enough oxygen to ask Minhee a crushing question:

“Do you still have feelings for Jungmo?”


	2. Crashing Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> History is catching up to him, and Minhee can’t outrun it.
> 
> _Maybe he was right this whole time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized i never clarified the ages of the members in this series lol. Obviously, theyre aged up and much older than their irl counterparts. For reference, Jungmo and Woobin are 24, Minhee and Hyeongjun are 22 in the present tense. Jungmo and Woobin met when they were 22, making Minhee 20 at the time. Not really necessary but just thought i’d clarify
> 
> Also i apologize in advance for the ending.  
>  **(TW // alcohol mention, drunk driving, car accidents — no graphic or gory details but all these are explicitly mentioned)**

**double-minded (adj.) — wavering in mind; undecided**

—

_“What would you do if I said yes to your proposal?”_

_“I’m sorry, but I can’t give you the answer you want.”_

—

“Well, do you?” Hyeongjun asks in a hushed voice. They’ve been standing outside his apartment in tense silence for almost a minute now, with a frozen Minhee startled by the upfront question.

“W-Where is this coming from?” he stammers. He loosens his grip on Hyeongjun, slowly dragging his fingers down to reach for his hand. Hyeongjun quickly pulls away. 

“Minhee, I like you,” he says. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to allow myself to be your rebound.”

“Who said you were a rebound?”

“I understand if you’re feeling doubtful about our relationship. We’re still getting to know each other, after all,” he continues, ignoring Minhee’s question. “But I can’t spend every morning waking up next to you, knowing you still harbor feelings for him. So, Minhee, do you still have feelings for Jungmo?”

“Why are you asking this?”

“Why are you stalling trying to answer?”

“I just don’t understand why you’d suddenly ask this!” Minhee says exasperatedly. “Unless—You think I still have feelings for Jungmo?”

Hyeongjun presses his back against the wall and crosses his arms, avoiding Minhee’s eyes. “I didn’t want to think so, but after today, yeah, I think you do.”

“What did I even do?” Minhee questions.

“You hesitated when I called us boyfriends,” Hyeongjun reminds him.

“It was the first time we labeled our relationship,” Minhee counters. “I just wasn’t expecting us to be considered ‘boyfriends’ three months in.”

“So that’s why you hesitated?”

“I wasn’t hesitating.”

“You hit the brakes.”

“Boyfriends, boyfriends, boyfriends. Hyeongjun and Minhee are _boyfriends,_ ” Minhee babbles. “There, does that sound hesitant to you?”

“But you also reacted weird when Jungmo and Woobin were telling the story of their anniversary—”

“—because I’ve heard that story non-stop for years now.”

“I overheard your conversation with Jungmo,” Hyeongjun blurts out.

Guilt flashes across Minhee’s face and is slowly replaced with rising panic. “How much did you hear?” he asks. 

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop—I really didn’t, and I’m sorry for listening in. You guys happened to be talking while I was looking for the bathroom. But I heard every single question he asked,” Hyeongjun explains. “And when you couldn’t answer him? That’s when I knew you’re not completely over him.”

“Hyeongjun, I couldn’t answer Jungmo because—”

“Because you haven’t figured it out?” Hyeongjun interrupts, repeating Minhee’s words from earlier. “Because you don’t know where we stand? Because as much as you don’t want to admit it, a small part of you might still be in love with him? Because _you can’t give me the answer that I want?”_

“Well then, what answer do you want?” Minhee asks.

Hyeongjun looks up from the floor for the first time in minutes, giving Minhee a blank expression. “You’re seriously asking me that?” 

“Hyeongjun, I _don’t.”_

“That’s all you can say?”

“What else am I supposed to say!” Minhee retaliates. “Sorry that I got over my best friend! Sorry, I’m not in love with him anymore, so I can’t feed into whatever petty argument you’re starting.”

“You think I’m doing this to start an argument?”

“Honestly, yeah, I do,” says Minhee. “Because I really don’t understand why you suddenly feel the need to overanalyze my feelings. And don’t answer back with that ‘I’m just being observant’ or ‘I’m just watching you,’ okay? There’s a line, Hyeongjun, and right now, you’re crossing it.”

“I wouldn’t have to cross that line if you just told me whether or not you still have feelings for him,” says Hyeongjun. 

“I just did. I said, I don’t.”

“Do you mean it?”

Minhee pauses for a moment as if he’s thinking over his answer. “I feel _something_ towards him,” he answers ambivalently. “But they’re not romantic. I’m not lying when I say I don’t love him like _that_ anymore.”

“And I want to believe you,” Hyeongjun says quietly. “It’s just like you said three months ago: we wanted everything to stop. Everything except whatever is going on between us. 

Everything except _this._

But you and Jungmo have history. That’s something I can never compete with or ever measure up to. Which is why I need to know, yes or no answer only: do you still have feelings for Jungmo?” 

“Isn’t the answer obvious, Hyeongjun?”

Hyeongjun shakes his head. “No, Minhee. It’s not.” 

He reaches inside his jacket for his keys and turns to unlock his apartment. “I think you should sleep at your place tonight,” he says with his back towards Minhee. Once open, he enters his apartment and instantly begins to close the door, refusing to let Minhee in. 

“When you figure it out, give me a call.” The door locks in place with a click. 

Hyeongjun heads straight to the balcony but ultimately regrets his decision when he’s met with the view below him. Amidst the flickering red, green, and yellow circles of light, groups of people walk hand-in-hand. Each of them has their own beautiful bubble, floating together above the industrial street. 

_“I don’t like being here by myself. It gets lonely.”_

_“You have the whole city below your balcony. How is that lonely?”_

_“Because I’m watching all these people pass by hand-in-hand while I’m up here by myself.”_

_“Well, now, you have me.”_

_Except I don’t._

_A part of you will always belong to Jungmo, and there’s nothing I can do to stop that._

His eyes begin to brim with saltwater, but he quickly wipes them off the sleeve of his jacket and sniffles away the rest of his tears. 

_Crying is useless when you’re already surrounded by water._

—

“Babe, you really could’ve been nicer,” Woobin says to Jungmo as they lay in bed later that night.

“Minhee was just being hard-headed again,” snorts Jungmo, continuing to flip through the pages of his novel.

“I was talking about Hyeongjun,” Woobin states, and his husband stops reading. “I know you were worried that he’s bad luck, but he really likes Minhee.”

Jungmo sighs and places his book down on his lap. “There’s so much Hyeongjun doesn’t know about Minhee.”

“And that’s why you have to let him find out. Let their relationship happen naturally, regardless of whether or not they luck-out in the end.”

“But what if he gets hurt?”

“I already talked to Hyeongjun about this, and I told him that it’s better to just confront the situation head-on.”

“No, I don’t mean Hyeongjun,” Jungmo clarifies. “What if _Minhee_ gets hurt?” 

Woobin notices the shift in his tone, and his words are coated with an uncharacteristic emotion. It’s not worried or uneasiness, as one would expect from an overprotective best friend.

It’s _guilt._

He doesn’t pry into it. In their years of being together, Woobin learned Jungmo couldn’t hold things in for extended periods of time. Whether it be superfluous anecdotes or deep-hidden secrets, Jungmo would always come clean eventually. When his husband is ready, he’ll tell him. 

Ready to move on, Jungmo picks his book up again. He says one last thing before delving back into his reading, and it’s tainted with that same guilt from seconds ago. 

“There’s a side to Minhee that Hyeongjun isn’t aware of, and it’s going to crush Minhee if he ever discovers it.”

—

_Just talk to him,_ Minhee thinks to himself as he drums his fingers on the steering wheel. _It’s the least you could do._

It’s been a week since the double date and a week since Minhee fought with Hyeongjun. He should’ve called by now, he knows he should have, but he couldn’t.

He’s been sitting in the parking lot for almost an hour now, debating if this talk was even necessary. But deep down, it didn’t feel right to call without talking to him first. Reluctantly, he gets out of his car and trudges up the stairs until he reaches the fourth floor of the apartment complex. 

He knocks on the door and is immediately greeted by Woobin.

“Minhee?” he asks, surprised by his visit. “Jungmo isn’t home right now.”

“I know he isn’t. That’s why I came at this time while he’s at work.”

Curiosity glistens in Woobin’s eyes, and he lets Minhee in. 

Jungmo and Woobin’s apartment is much different than Hyeongjun’s. The latter’s apartment consisted of green cupboards, mismatched pillows and blankets on the worn-out sofa, walls covered in scribbled canvases and photo collages, and a bright, burgundy table immediately catching the naked eye’s attention. It matched Hyeongjun’s energy perfectly, but the decor and layout would be deemed imperfect from an outsider’s perspective.

On the other hand, Jungmo and Woobin’s apartment is much sleeker. The furniture is monochromatic, minimalistic, and aligned with careful precision. It’s obvious Jungmo and Woobin planned everything together, and their apartment gives off the impression that they never caught themselves second-guessing anything. To them, there’s probably a strong sense of familiarity within their apartment. But for someone like Minhee, it feels rigid, as if he doesn’t belong here. 

Woobin leads him to the kitchen area, and Minhee gets settled at the marble counter. The former opens one of the polished, black cabinets and grabs two wine glasses. 

“What time does Jungmo usually come home again?” Minhee asks. 

“He should be here in about a half-hour,” Woobin answers while glancing at his watch.

“Only half an hour?”

“Why? Do you need to talk to him?”

“Actually, I need to talk to _you._ But not with Jungmo around. I kind of wish I came earlier now that you mention he’ll be back so soon. I wanted to avoid him today.”

“I see,” Woobin murmurs, eyeing Minhee peculiarly as he brings the glasses and drinks over. “Would you like champagne?”

“I shouldn’t. I drove myself. I’ll just have cider instead.”

“More for me then.” Woobin fills up his crystal glass with golden liquid, then proceeds to question Minhee while filling up his glass with cider. “So, what did you need to talk about?”

“Did Hyeongjun say something to you during the double date?” Minhee asks.

“About you?”

“Yes.”

“I told him he should talk to you about it if he was concerned.”

“He didn’t do that, so just lay it on me.”

Woobin thinks it over before giving his carefully constructed response. “He did express some concern that you guys got together too quickly and that you wouldn’t be ready to commit.”

Minhee lets out a heavy sigh. “So he agrees with Jungmo then.” 

“Wait, agrees with Jungmo about what exactly?” Woobin questions. 

“Hyeongjun told me that my history with Jungmo is something he can’t compete with.”

“But why would he be worried? You and Jungmo are just best friends, and nothing romantic ever happened between you two.”

Minhee winces and clutches his glass tightly. He’s unsure how Woobin will react to his next sentence, but if he wants proper advice, he’s going to have to say it.

“God, you’re gonna hate me forever, but I was in love with _him,”_ Minhee confesses abruptly. 

Woobin blinks at him, taking a moment to process the information. “Him as in—”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Minhee says breathily.

“Does he know?”

Minhee shakes his head. “I never told Jungmo or anyone else. Hyeongjun was the first person I ever told, so even if he did know, I don’t know how he would. Unless Hyeongjun told him, but he wouldn’t have any motive to do so. Like, ‘Hey, Jungmo! Just thought you should know the guy I’m currently seeing used to be in love with you!’ So no, I don’t think he knows.”

Woobin presses his lips together as he contemplates the confession. Nervous about his reaction, Minhee chugs the entirety of his cider while waiting for him. 

“So, you stepped back?” Woobin says finally.

“Of course I did,” Minhee answers. “He loves you so much, and I never had anything against you. You’re perfect for him.”

“Then whatever you felt for him back then shouldn’t be an issue anymore, right?”

“But that’s the problem,” Minhee continues. “I stepped back for him. I bit my tongue and hid my feelings from him because I saw how in love he was with you. And I told myself, ‘it’ll be worth it. It’ll be worth it because when the time comes, he’ll do the same for me.’

But he’s not. It’s almost like he’s pushing me away from Hyeongjun, and I don’t know why.”

I’m over Jungmo, I promise I am. I would’ve had to move on eventually, for yours, his, and my sake. It just so happened that I met Hyeongjun, and he pulled me out of that slump sooner rather than later. 

I really like Hyeongjun. I don’t understand why Jungmo keeps debating that. Hyeongjun makes me want to dive first into everything. I find myself savoring every kiss, every touch, and every breath. 

This feeling—attraction or whatever you wanna call it—is _different._ I wasn’t planning on labeling it as ‘love’ so early on, but I could see myself eventually falling in love with him. Here I was, thinking it was a good thing, the _best_ thing.

But when Jungmo pulled me aside last week during the double date, I was back to thinking _Maybe._

Maybe he’s right. Maybe being with Hyeongjun is actually the worst thing I can do right now. 

I don’t want to admit that he’s right; it’s not his place to assume such things. But I couldn’t help but wonder, where is all of this coming from? I wanted to think that he was just comparing my relationship with your marriage. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized everything he was saying was targeted towards _me._ That’s when I suddenly started questioning everything.

Like, is this honeymoon phase just a perfect mirage? Will it all fall apart once that clarity is tainted? What if I’m not ready for when that happens, and it turns out I was never capable of falling in love with Hyeongjun? Or even worse, anyone who wasn’t Jungmo? It’s all happening so fast, and that never worried me before until Jungmo said something.”

“I don’t understand, Minhee,” Woobin says. “You clearly like Hyeongjun based on what you’ve told me, and I trust you when you say you’re over Jungmo. Yet…”

“You agree with him, don’t you?” Minhee asks worriedly.

“Not exactly, but there’s just one thing that I can’t grasp,” Woobin explains. “From what I gathered, you never doubted your feelings for Hyeongjun or your relationship prior to the double date. If I remember correctly, you were the one who first asked him out, right?”

“Yeah, I was.”

“Which means you always liked him from the start.”

“How could I not? He’s _perfect.”_

“So why does Jungmo getting involved suddenly change all of that?”

Minhee clasps onto the empty glass again, and he can almost feel the bowl begin to crack between his fingertips. 

Maybe it’s because he’s older. Mathematically, two years isn’t a relatively large age gap. But when those two years get broken down, two years can feel like a lifetime. That was always an issue within their friendship; they were always in separate stages of life. While Minhee was a youthful yet oblivious teenager, Jungmo was entering his 20’s. While he was in his college dorm pulling all-nighters and slurping unhealthy amounts of ramen, Jungmo was already beginning his career. 

While he was hopelessly yearning to be the groom, Jungmo was already getting married, with Minhee as his best man.

Maybe it’s because they have history. They’ve known each other since Minhee was a freshman in college, and he stuck by Jungmo’s side all the way from his late-teens to his early-20’s. 

Maybe it’s because he finds himself acting differently around Jungmo. Minhee is stubborn; he will admit it’s one of his defining characteristics. But with Jungmo, he always lets his guard down, making him vulnerable. 

He suffered that vulnerability firsthand multiple times throughout their friendship: 

the day he realized he was falling for him, 

the night Jungmo first told him he was seeing Woobin, 

when he saw Woobin post his engagement ring on social media, 

and most painful of all, 

when he had to give a speech as the best man at their wedding. 

It's a peculiar sentiment to feel so vulnerable around his best friend while despising that same vulnerability. 

“I told Jungmo the way I felt about him is different from the way I currently feel about Hyeongjun,” Minhee answers, a slight tinge of hesitation latched onto each word. “With Hyeongjun, I’m so sure of everything—our time together is soaked in unparalleled lucidity. 

But when it comes to Jungmo? I’m plagued with this vulnerability, and it all becomes a drunken, blacked-out haze.

I now know why I couldn’t answer Hyeongjun’s questions.

It’s because I do. 

I do still have feelings for Jungmo. The catch is, they’re no longer romantic feelings. Rather, they’re sentimental, and they’re even harder to deal with. 

Because it’s one thing to still be in love with someone, but it’s another to fall out of love with them and still catch your mind wandering back to them when you least expect it.

You know how when you like someone, and you’re always daydreaming about whether or not they actually feel something towards you? Then, even after you move on or break-up or whatever, you still catch yourself wondering,

_How does he feel about me after all this?_

It’s strange, I know. I can’t really put it into words, but it’s not like I’m fixating on a future with him anymore. Rather, I’m still stuck on our past, but I’m also not dwelling over the situation or holding any more regrets. It’s more like, ‘Okay, what happened back then that suddenly changed the way you feel about me?’

I know I shouldn’t be wrapped up in these kinds of thoughts, but I can’t help it. Jungmo’s opinion matters to me because it always has. That’s why I stepped back in the first place; the unmatched love he has for you matters to me. I don’t regret doing that anymore, even though it tore me apart because he ended up being right. He saw his future with you. Look where you guys are now. 

He’s always been right, which is why I take his opinions and feelings so seriously. And if he was right about you, then that means he’s right about everything else—including me and Hyeongjun. 

Him being right about us means he’s right when he says I’m not ready. It means I’ll never be able to wholly move on from him, no matter how much I want to.

Maybe that’s why I still haven’t figured things out. Maybe that’s what’s holding me back. Maybe that’s why I find myself questioning everything. 

Maybe that’s why I feel so powerless against him.”

“What are you saying, Minhee?” interrupts a voice. Startled, the two turn towards the voice's direction, and Minhee is forced to make eye contact with _him._

“Welcome home, babe,” greets Woobin.

“Minhee,” Jungmo says sternly, ignoring his husband. “Is there something you want to say to me?”

Once again, Minhee feels vulnerable around Jungmo, and all the strength within him rushes out, leaving him defenseless against his first love. 

“I’ll give you two some time to talk,” Woobin says as he prepares to exit. “The wine bottle’s already open if you want some, babe.” He lightly brushes Jungmo’s shoulder before heading to their bedroom.

While Minhee anxiously drums his fingers against his glass, Jungmo reaches for the champagne bottle and pours himself a drink.

“Why do you have a problem with me being in a relationship?” Minhee starts.

“I’m just protecting you,” Jungmo answers immediately, eyeing the golden drink pooling in the glass.

“From what?”

“Getting your heart broken.” He swirls his glass and takes a sip of his drink.

_In that case,_ Minhee thinks to himself, _I need protection from_ you. 

“Why do you always do this to me?” he whimpers.

Jungmo stops drinking, removes the glass from his lips, and crossly raises his eyebrow at Minhee. “Excuse me?”

“My problem with you is you won’t allow me to be happy,” Minhee says with more indignance. 

Jungmo is taken aback, and for a split second, he appears hurt by the statement. But Minhee can’t tell if he imagined that fleeting expression because Jungmo’s face is now painted with annoyance and petulance. “Are you kidding me, Minhee?” he lashes out. “That’s all I want for you!”

“Really, because you sure have a funny way of showing it! You told me to figure things out, and I’m trying so hard to do that, but for some reason, you keep stopping me!”

“How is this my fault!”

“I wasn’t this confused until you interrogated me!”

“So you’re blaming me because you’re suddenly unsure about your feelings?”

“Not about Hyeongjun, no. I like him, that’s certain, and I want to see where our relationship takes us,” Minhee declares. “But it’s _you._ You won’t let me, and it’s tearing me apart.”

Jungmo places his drink down on the counter with vigorous vexation, almost causing the stem to break off his wine glass. “This will be the death of you, Kang Minhee,” he bites.

“My stubbornness?”

“No, your feelings.”

“Towards Hyeongjun?”

“Towards _me.”_

Minhee crashes down through a sheet of glass, petrified by Jungmo’s icy utterance. “Does this mean that—”

“Yes,” Jungmo interrupts. “I know.”

Everything clicks into place for Minhee, coming together like sharp shards of a violent mosaic that spell out a single word: _maybe._

“It all makes sense now,” Minhee murmurs to himself. “You don’t think I’m ready to be with Hyeongjun because…” His voice begins to waver, and Jungmo turns away from him.

“Because you broke my heart, and you _know_ you broke my heart,” Minhee chokes. He slowly gets up from the counter, each step towards Jungmo feeling like a deadweight. “So that’s what happened. That’s what changed how you feel about me, and that’s why you don’t think I’m capable of ever moving on and falling for someone else.”

The revelation cuts through his skin, and he bleeds out, just how the past bleeds into his present.

Because it’s one thing to still be in love with someone, but it’s another to fall out of love with them only to learn they knew this whole time.

Jungmo knew. He knew this whole time, and that’s why Minhee was always the vulnerable one in their friendship. History is catching up to him, and Minhee can’t outrun it.

_Maybe he was right this whole time._

Jungmo turns back towards him, letting out a weary sigh. The irritation from earlier is replaced with a softer expression. “Minhee, that’s not it.”

“I should go,” Minhee says before he can get another word out.

There’s an urgency in his voice. An urgency to end the conversation. An urgency to leave and drive as far away as possible from Jungmo. An urgency to get a—

“Drink!” Minhee slurs, slamming the empty bottle on the wooden bar. He doesn't quite remember what happened in-between him running out of Jungmo and Woobin’s apartment and him entering the bar. But based on how much he’s already drunk, it would probably hurt too much to try and remember anyway.

“Sir, wasn’t that your third bottle of soju?” asks the young bartender as he wipes down the table.

Minhee squints his eyes, attempting to read the engraved letters on the worker’s silver name tag. “You know, Y-Youngtae? That’s your name, right? Sorry, my vision, it’s _really_ blurry. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, right! Y-You remind me of my-my boyfriend.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, he makey-makes the drinks too! Works for weddings, actually.”

“Oh, I’m not a full-time bartender, actually. I’m just doing this to pay off for university. I plan on doing hospitality management once I graduate.

“You should do what my boyfriend does. Weddings. Like, work for w-weddings. Or plan them.” 

“What?”

“I think it’d be a fine— _hiccup_ —career choice.”

“I guess? It might tie in well with my current studies.” 

“Yeah. Then you can plan my wedding. If I even get married, of course. My boyfriend kinda hates me right now,” Minhee wails. The bartender stands there awkwardly, ready to move on from the conversation.

“Is he even my friend-boy—er— _boyfriend_ anymore?” Minhee rambles to him. “I think we’re in a fight. Because, like, like last week, he asked me something. Super scary question.

He asked me if I still— _hiccup_ —in love— _hiccup_ —with my best friend. 

The problem is, he’s married! My best friend, of course, not my boyfriend. That’s where I met him. Not my best friend, no, but my boyfriend. Met him at the wedding.

Anyway, he asked me that and like, I froze. Ever seen that movie, by the way? The one with the princesses and one of them freezes? I felt like that. I couldn’t move. Or talk. I was just frozen like that princess.

And like, I _know_ I should’ve answered but like? What was I supposed to say? 

The thing is, all of this is so new. So different. Really different. Like, how am I supposed to figure out what I’m feeling if I don’t have anything to compare this feeling with? Y’know, what I-I mean, Youngtae?

Like, J-Jungmo, that’s my best friend. He was, like, the only guy I ever liked. _Loved,_ actually. I was in love with him. One-hundred percent dead set on marrying him, too. Then he met Woobin, and then they got married instead. And it freaking broke my heart, having to attend the wedding. I was his best man, by the way—my best friend’s best man. But I was in love with him. You see where this is going, right?

You wanna know the most fucked-up part? He knew! He knew this whole time I was in love with him. 

_Obviously,_ I had to move on. That’s where _he_ comes in. My boyfriend. He’s literally _perfect._ Like, he has this cute, little button nose and adorable cheeks and _super_ big eyes. And he’s so warm too, like when I hug him in our sleep.

Plus, he’s, like, funny! Like, he doesn’t seem like the funny type, but he is! It’s so cute when he cringes at his jokes, but I laugh because he’s a funny, funny guy.

And he makes the best smoothies! Don’t tell him I said that, though, or he’ll rub it in my face!

The only thing wrong with him is he hates me!” Minhee shouts. He slams his fist on the bar, and the force causes the empty glass bottle to topple over and break.

“And like, it’s all my best friend’s fault that he hates me!” he continues, spewing out his anxieties like vomit. “Like, we had a good thing going. Me and my boyfriend. But my best friend is _evil_ and won’t let me enjoy it. Like, he just won’t let me be happy and savor this!

But at the same time, I don’t know, when I’m with my best friend I question everything. Because like, what if he’s right? What if he’s right and I’m not ready for a relationship, and all of this goes to shit because of me. Cause, to be honest, his wedding really fucked me over. And then I thought my boyfriend helped me get over it. But now, the past is coming back to bite me, and I’m scared I’ll be stuck there forever.

Who knows? M-Maybe I’m just sad and heartbroken, and I’ll never be cured!”

The young bartender stares at him blankly, unsure of what to make of Minhee’s drunken prose. “Sir, do you need a ride home? I can call you a cab?” 

It’s a simple question, but it’s enough to catch Minhee off-guard and force him to slip back into the past.

“Stop!” Minhee screams, not wanting to be reminded of Hyeongjun. He stumbles as he gets up, then vigorously slams his palm on the bar. “No, I have my own ride home!” 

His mind goes fuzzy again, and when he finally catches a glimpse of his surroundings, he registers that he’s in his car.

Behind the steering wheel.

On the highway.

His numb fingers can barely maneuver the steering wheel, causing him to zig-zag in-and-out between the white lines. He tries to keep his speed stable, but the pressure he puts on the pedals is inconsisten. His driving erratically skyrockets from slow movements to uncontrollable momentum. 

While driving, his vision fades in and out, pulling him from the present and back into the past. Each memory blurs together like a cloudy collage. 

Jungmo blissfully blabbering about how much he loves Woobin. A pair of rings tucked in a blue velvet box. Holding back tears in the parking lot of the wedding reception. The speech. 

Waking up in a stranger’s bed the next morning. A lemon and blueberry smoothie. Running out of his car. Laughing after a frantic Hyeongjun accidentally knocked over his glass of water during their first date. 

Standing with him at his balcony in romantic, ringing silence. A grapefruit-colored glow highlighting Hyeongjun’s features as he turned towards him. The subtle curves of his smile scintillating under the orange moonlight. Deciding, _this is the perfect time_ and leaning in.

Savoring each breath as they tasted each other’s lips for the first time. Eyelashes fluttering against each other. Secretly wishing everything around them would stop. A hush. 

_“Do you think you’re even capable of loving him? Are you even ready to fall in love with someone new?”_ rings a voice in Minhee’s mind. 

_Stop, stop, stop! Stop these memories. Stop these feelings. Stop the past._

As his anxiety intensifies, so does his swerving. He continues to dangerously drift closer and closer to the concrete barriers. Headlights and stoplights muddle with the memories, and Minhee can barely make out the road in front of him.

_Stop the car!_ and he slams his foot down with all his strength. 

His foot misses the brake, and he instead hits the accelerator, propelling him towards the highway barrier.

The last thing Minhee hears before blacking out is the sound of glass shards raining over his bruised body as his windshield comes crashing down.

—

Since Minhee has yet to call, Hyeongjun can’t spend every night counting his freckles like he used to.

So, he counts other things.

Chairs at the kitchen table. Two: one for him, one for Minhee—except the latter's chair has been empty for a week now.

Minutes: minutes since he last spoke to Minhee, minutes spent alone underwater.

Tears are another thing he counts. At this point, Hyeongjun doesn’t even bother using a concealer to mask his red cheeks and puffy eyelids. He knows he’ll just end up crying again later that night. Every morning since the fight, his entire face would be swollen and flushed, stained with dry tear streaks. Whenever he looked in the mirror, his reflection cackled at him.

_Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop,_ Hyeongjun would think to himself, digging his fingernails into his palm.

Tonight, he counts the number of things that remind him of Minhee.

Coincidentally, he’s working at another wedding reception at the exact same venue as Jungmo and Woobin’s wedding. 

The maid-of-honor is on the stage, giving her speech. Hyeongjun categorizes it as the “You are making the biggest mistake of your life, but it’s your wedding, so I’m going to be civil about it, but my _God,_ I can’t _wait_ to give you ‘I told you so,’” speech. He hides a smile, momentarily invested in the drama between her, the bride, and the groom, who was clearly the third party in all of this. Then he remembers the first time he saw Minhee. There he was, standing on the stage, wiping away his tears as he forced himself to cynically congratulate his now-married crush.

Total number of reminders: one.

Someone heads over to him for a drink, thanking him as he slides the bottle in their direction.

“It’s my job,” he says amicably, then collapses into water when another memory springs up.

Two reminders.

Once the speeches are over, the lights dim, and the dance floor is lit by circles of prismatic light. The groom takes the bride’s gloved hand, guiding her to the central white light. He pulls her close, clasping onto her figure as if she’s his lifeline. They glide across the floor, her pale gown glowing with each air-like spin. It’s as if they’re refusing to be locked down by gravity.

It’s as if they’re levitating.

Three reminders. Three strikes and Hyeongjun is out. 

“I’m gonna go on my break,” Hyeongjun says hoarsely, his throat already strained. Before his co-worker can respond, he’s already hastily exiting the bar and rushing out of the ballroom.

_“I don’t want this to be goodbye. No, I refuse for whatever we started two nights ago to suddenly end here.”_

_Make it stop, make it stop, I just want this to stop._

After sprinting through the hallway and doing his best to avoid making eye-contact with any wandering guests, Hyeongjun finally finds a vacant corner. He crumples onto the ground, sinking to the floor and burying his face in his knees. Every sob comes out as a pathetic puff of carbon dioxide, and for once, his eyes are unusually dry. 

He’s far away from the main ceremonies now, so the hallway is intolerably, almost intoxicatingly quiet. He hates it. Not even his choked breaths are enough to break the screeching absence of sound. 

Silence with Minhee is hauntingly beautiful. Silence without him haunts Hyeongjun, and the beauty in his world fades into empty reminders of loneliness. 

His shaky, tearless breathing subdues when he feels his phone vibrate unexpectedly. Eyes closed, he takes his phone out of his pocket. He prays it’s the name he wants to see the most, the voice he wants to hear the most, and the person he loves the most. 

But when he opens his eyes, not _his_ name on the screen.

It’s Woobin’s.

“Why is he calling?” Hyeongjun mouths, apprehensively answering the call. “Hello?”

“Hyeongjun?” Woobin asks. “Is that you?” His voice sounds serious, practically life-and-death.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Are you with Minhee?”

“No, I’m at work,” Hyeongjun answers. “I haven’t seen Minhee in-person since the double date.” 

“Did you hear from him before it happened?”

Hyeongjun’s breath hitches again. “Before what happened?” 

“Oh my god.” Woobin’s voice is even more unnerving.

“Woobin, what’s going on?” 

“There was an accident. Minhee was driving, and he swerved off the road and crashed.”

Like Minhee, Hyeongjun crashes; he crashes down into water.

“Is he okay?” he asks in a barely-audible whisper. 

Static. It pulls Hyeongjun deeper into the rough ripples. He can barely grasp onto his phone, and it slowly slips out of his palm while Woobin remains silent on the other end.

“Woobin, is Minhee okay?”


	3. Heartbreak Cure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sure, the past is irreversible, but there’s nothing the future can’t fix, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought emi's bday was today but I misread her tweet and it's actually on the 31st ANYWAY EARLY BDAY PRESENT WHOOOO

**double take (n.) — a delayed reaction to something unexpected, immediately after one’s first reaction**

—

_[three months ago]_

“You’ll marry me, right, Hyeongjun?” He couldn’t really make out ‘Hyeongjun’s’ features, but he continued to hold onto him as if he was his lifeline. 

Hyeongjun pulled his arm from his grip, causing an already dizzy Minhee to lose his balance and fall back onto the bed. Fazed by the proposal, Hyeongjun warily tip-toed backward toward the door. “Get some sleep.”

“Hyeongjun?” Minhee murmured. He tried to sit up to get another glance of him, but there was a weight pulling his head towards the cold pillows. 

“Good night, Minhee.” The door closed behind him, leaving Minhee alone in the room. 

His head was aching again, so he tried to fall asleep, but he felt something vibrate. Clumsily, he patted down the comforter until he felt his phone, then looked to see who’s calling. 

Flashing on his screen was _his name._

_Him._ The whole reason he entered this drunken daze, to begin with. The whole reason he resorted to alcohol as a temporary heartbreak cure.

_Him._

_“No calling Jungmo,”_ is what he told Hyeongjun minutes ago. _“Because I’m in love with him.”_

But even before that, he said, _“I need Jungmo.”_

He still needed Jungmo, now more than ever, so he accepted the call. 

“Hey dumbass, the wedding venue said they’re gonna tow your car if you don’t have it moved by 1 AM,” yawned Jungmo. His voice sounded tired, but there was still a slight lightness to his voice. Then again, getting married to their soulmate would probably keep someone in a good mood even after the post-wedding stressors, Minhee figured. 

“I’ll move it. Tomorrow. Remind me,” Minhee mumbled, his words barely comprehensible. 

“You’re still drunk off your ass, aren’t you?”

“I only had three.”

“Three what?”

“Bottles.”

“Of?”

“Soju.”

Jungmo let out an exhausted sigh. “Where exactly are you?”

“Bed. I’m in bed,” Minhee said sleepily.

“So you’re home?” Jungmo asked.

“I think so? Someone drove me. Not me. They drove their car. With me in it. Now I’m in bed. The bed’s nice. I’m so sleepy.”

“Christ, thank goodness you’re safe! God, you even threw up all over the dance floor earlier. What were you thinking drinking so much?”

“My speech. I said I needed a drink, remember?”

“Yeah, _a_ drink! Singular, Minhee! Not three bottles of soju!”

“Jungmo, did you like my speech?”

“Yes, I did.” That same ethereal lightness was back in his voice, and he sounded genuinely thankful. 

“Good because all of it was true,” Minhee said sentimentally. 

“No shit. You weren’t joking when you said you needed a drink,” Jungmo snorted playfully. 

“And I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“No like, _love you,_ love you.”

“Okay.”

“But you’re with Woobin now. And I’m in bed now.”

“Hey, what’s going on? Are you sure you’re okay?”

For the fifth time (maybe even sixth? He lost track at this point) that night, Minhee’s eyes welled up with tears. “I love you, Jungmo,” he choked. “Like, the in-love-kind-of-love. I wish you—I wish that you—I like Woobin, okay? And— _hiccup_ —Woobin loves you. And you love Woobin. Now you guys are married, yay!”

His voice cracked again. Instead of holding back, just as how he did for the past two years, he let everything spew out like shaken-up soda. Everything from his own salted tears to his long-hidden wish. With each thick sob, his hiccuping intensified, and the more he struggled to catch his breath.

“But, Jungmo, I also love you. _Love—hiccup_ —love you. And I really wish you married me instead.”

“Minhee, did I ever lead you on? That was never my intention. I’m sorry, but I’ve never liked you in that way.”

“I know, Jungmo,” Minhee whispered. “I knew a long time ago that it would never— _hiccup_ —happen. But, like, I still couldn’t get over you, no matter how much I tried. I feel so bad. But, I just. They wouldn’t go away, okay? My feelings for you. They wouldn’t go away, and they wouldn’t stop.

I just really, really wish I wasn’t just the best man.

You—You broke my heart, Koo Jungmo, and I don’t think I’ll ever be cured.

Welp, there it is! There’s everything I wanted to say in speech but would’ve never, _ever_ admitted if it wasn’t for all this— _hiccup_ —soju!”

“Minhee?”

“One last thing,” Minhee slurred. “Jungmo, did you ever consider me a groom in all our years of friendship?”

“Now’s not the right time for me to answer this.” The lightness in Jungmo’s voice has disappeared, and the air around him is smothered in guilt.

“Why? Are you gonna break my heart again? You wouldn’t do that, right? It hurts a lot when you do that.”

“I’m sorry, Minhee. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. It’s just—I just. I really had no idea. Even if I did know, I don’t think I would have ever reciprocated. 

But I will _never, ever_ break your heart again, and I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again, okay?” 

There’s a shakiness to his voice, yet somehow, it comforts Minhee.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

—

“Good morning, Minhee,” Hyeongjun mumbles as he rolls over across the mattress. At first, he’s confused when the spot next to him is cold and empty, then his mind recalls the events of the previous week. 

_You’d think I would’ve gotten used to waking up without him by now,_ Hyeongjun groans to himself as he ruffles his messy bangs out of his face. 

He reaches for his phone and checks for any new notifications—any sign that last night never happened. Any sign that it was just his own insanity conspiring with his twisted imagination and playing tricks on him. When he sees no new notifications, he dejectedly tosses his phone on the other side of the bed. The last notification on his phone is from the phone call with Woobin the night before. 

_“Woobin, is Minhee okay?”_

_“He’s okay.”_

_“He isn’t seriously injured, right?”_

_“He’s fine, Hyeongjun—just a few bruised ribs and cuts that needed stitching up. The doctor said if everything goes well, he could be out of the hospital by the end of the week. After he just needs some downtime but aside from that, he’ll be in good condition in a few weeks.”_

_“I see.”_

_“Are you coming over?”_

_“Should I? Is he awake?”_

_“He’s still knocked out from all the anesthesia and pain meds, but I can text you the room information if you want to visit him.”_

_“Why was he drinking in the first place?”_

_“I’m not sure. Last time I saw him, he was leaving our apartment after talking to Jungmo, but he declined any alcohol.”_

_“Wait, he was with Jungmo?”_

_“It’s not what you think, I swear. He came to talk to me, then Jungmo just happened to arrive during the conversation.”_

_“What were you guys talking about?”_

_“Minhee came over to ask about your relationship.”_

_“So, he was talking to Jungmo about me? About us?”_

_“Hyeongjun, I’m sure there was more to the conversation than that.”_

_“Nevermind. I’ll go see Minhee a different time.”_

_“Hyeongjun?”_

_“Not now. I can’t see him so soon, I’m sorry.”_

Afterward, Hyeongjun immediately hung up, clutching his phone to his chest as his breathing became faster and heavier. 

Hyeongjun had spent a week waiting for Minhee’s call, trying to reassure himself that goodbyes weren’t inevitable and that Minhee leaving wasn’t inevitable. 

Yet, Minhee hadn’t called. Whether it was because of hesitation, apathy, or his own stubbornness, Hyeongjun wasn’t sure. Minhee probably wasn’t even sure, hence why he was delaying the phone call and struggling to make up his mind. 

_And he needed to see Jungmo to make up his mind._

Last night, Hyeongjun left the reception the second he and his co-workers closed up the bar for the night. Instead of taking the shorter route back home, he took the long way, not even caring that the trip’s duration tripled. At that point, he was doing whatever he could to avoid adding onto his count of things that reminded him of Minhee. 

Once home, he walked straight past the kitchen table, straight past the sliding door leading out the balcony, and crashed down straight into his empty bed. 

_The last time Minhee drank that much, he was trying to forget about Jungmo,_ Hyeongjun remembered. _So what was he trying to forget this time?_

He spent the rest of the night wide-awake and staring at the ceiling, too paralyzed and too afraid to answer his own question. 

If he answered his own question, there was the possibility of ending up with the answer he didn’t want. 

—

Jungmo has been acting guilty ever since the wedding, and Woobin has been completely aware of it.

Starting the morning after, Jungmo was unusually distressed. At first, Woobin blamed it on the alcohol and exhaustion of planning and executing the ultimate wedding, so he threw away any concerns.

But after two weeks, Jungmo was still showing discomfort towards a secret situation. While Jungmo didn’t explicitly tell him what was wrong, his unsettling behavior was enough to signal to Woobin that something was upsetting him. 

By the end of their first month as a married couple, Jungmo had calmed down for the most part. Whatever was bothering him before seemingly solved itself. That or Jungmo was deliberately ignoring it for his own sanity.

Two months later, Jungmo told Woobin that he had scheduled a double date with Minhee and his new boyfriend, and his erratic tendencies were back. 

It’s not that it was straining their relationship—everything else was wholeheartedly okay between the two of them, and the transition into married life had been smooth yet thrilling. Besides, it’s not like Jungmo spent every second of everyday fixating on the situation. He only really acted out whenever someone mentioned Minhee.

Now, Woobin knew why. 

He’s not worried about Minhee interfering in their marriage. He and Jungmo were past the point of uncertainties. The two of them had already solved the confusing jigsaw puzzle that every couple was faced with, and they laid the final puzzle piece down the night of their wedding. 

He is, however, worried about _Jungmo_. After Minhee stormed out of their apartment, Jungmo spent the rest of the night fazed by the virulent exchange. Hours after Minhee left, the walls of their apartment were still smothered with hostility, seeping its way into every crevice. That persistent bitterness didn’t diffuse until late at night when the two were awoken by a call. 

In their years of being together, Woobin had never seen Jungmo react the way he did when the first responder explained what had happened.

He wanted to do whatever he could to comfort Jungmo and be there for him. But his relationship with Minhee was something that Woobin could never interject in—he learned that early in their relationship. As much as he loved Jungmo, the inner battle with his own feelings and Minhee’s feelings for him was something he couldn’t solve. Woobin trusted and loved his husband with every fleck and every breath, and he knew Minhee’s unrequited crush wouldn’t change any of that. Still, the long-lasting friendship between him and Jungmo was a territory Woobin could never conquer, even if he wanted to try.

After paying for the two bagels, he gets in the elevator and makes his way up to the upper floors. When he enters the blank, bleak, white-walled waiting room, his messy-haired husband is fast asleep.

“Babe?” Woobin whispers as he lightly shakes him. Jungmo immediately jolts awake, darting his eyes until he’s familiarized with the setting. Once he realizes where he is, he rubs the dark circles under his before collapsing back into the chair. “What time is it now?” he asks.

“A little after 8 AM,” answers Woobin as he hands him the paper bag with his breakfast.

“Did you get into contact with him?” Jungmo asks in between chewing. His body is still aching from trying to force himself to fall asleep in one of the stiff, tight chairs. Aside from the inability to comfortably doze off, the severity of the situation kept him restless. 

Woobin pulls his phone from his pocket and checks his phone before shaking his head at the lack of notifications. “He did say he was working last night,” he mentions emphatically, “It’s still morning after all. He’s probably sleeping.”

“Didn’t you call him as soon as he was admitted into ICU last night?”

“I did, but he said he didn’t want to see him just yet.”

Jungmo groans and pinches his temples. “His boyfriend is undergoing surgery after getting in a car crash, and he isn’t even willing to drop everything and run back to him.”

Frustrated, Woobin finally intervenes. “We need to talk about what happened with Minhee last night,” he says firmly.

Jungmo freezes as he takes a bite of his bagel, tears the bread away from his mouth, and dumps it back in the bag. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he says blankly.

Woobin knew Jungmo couldn’t keep secrets, and the truth would eventually be let out, but this was more than an insipid conspiracy. They couldn’t let this ticking time bomb of a secret wait any longer. 

This was something that tested not just Minhee and Hyeongjun, but also him and Jungmo.

They were back at their table of four, only this time it was a poker table. For the past week, the four of them gambled on their chances, gambled on their relationships. Now, it was time for the four of them to drop their poker faces and reveal their cards.

“You know how he felt about you,” Woobin says. “That’s why you’re acting like this.”

Jungmo’s hand goes numb, and he drops the paper bag on the ground in shock. “How did you find out about that?” 

“He told me,” Woobin explains. “Now, I should ask you the same thing: how did _you_ find out?”

Jungmo sighs before retelling the night of Minhee’s confession. “I found out after the wedding. You know, when I called him to ask about his car? That’s when he confessed to me,” he explains in a melancholic manner. “I haven’t brought it up to him because I don’t even think he remembers; you know how wasted he was.”

“So you’ve known for about three months?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right. At the time, I thought he was saying it in a platonic or brotherly manner. Then he started crying,” Jungmo continues. “In our almost four years of friendship, I had _never_ heard him cry the way he did that night. But he was crying his heart out when he confessed that he was in love with me.

He was in love with me and wanted to marry me this whole time, yet I asked him to be the best man for my wedding instead.

I just—I didn’t know what to do at that moment. The two of us were already married; what could I have done? Even if we weren’t together, I wouldn’t have reciprocated. For instance, he asked if I ever saw him as a groom, and I had to avoid answering because at that point, _I knew._

I knew I had already broken his heart, and telling him that I never saw a future with him would only break it even more. 

Then he told me he would _never_ be cured of this heartbreak.

I didn’t mean to, babe, okay? I didn’t mean to break his heart. That’s the last thing I wanted to do. To break his heart. To _hurt_ him. To take away that happiness from him.”

“Jungmo—”

“I was scared for him,” Jungmo trembles. “I was the one who shoved him headfirst into this maze of bad luck, and every wrong turn he took led him farther and farther away from the entrance. 

And all I could do was watch and pray he made it out alive.” Jungmo’s voice falters at the end of his sentence, and he buries his face in his hands.

“Hey, look at me,” Woobin says as he lightly lifts up Jungmo’s chin. “You did the right thing, you know that, right?”

“I know. I know I did. Letting him down was the fairest thing I could have done for all three of us,” Jungmo chokes. “But I still felt so _guilty_ about it after. That night, I made a promise to him and a promise to myself:

_I would_ never _let this happen again._

That’s why I panicked when I found out he was dating Hyeongjun. It’s only been three months, yet he was already on the verge of falling in love again. And, I _know,_ a part of me was irrational, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t need him to end up heartbroken again, not after what I did to him. I was scared that if I didn’t protect him from this relationship, it would end up with his heart being shattered once again. With that, I would’ve broken my promise to myself. 

I would’ve broken my promise _to him.”_

“I know you were worried about your best friend, but you can’t always protect Minhee.”

“The least I can do is try. I’m scared for Minhee.”

“Minhee is scared of _you.”_

Minhee’s voice echoes in Jungmo’s mind: _“My problem with you is you won’t allow me to be happy.”_

He painfully bites down on his bottom lip until the familiar taste of blood stains his mouth. “I think the scariest thing is nobody knows where Hyeongjun and Minhee’s relationship stands,” he says. “It’s my fault their relationship is that way. It’s my fault for breaking Minhee’s heart.”

“None of this is your fault. These things happen.”

“No, it is,” Jungmo insists. “Minhee told me that he was trying to figure things out with Hyeongjun, but I wasn’t giving him that chance, and he’s right.”

“You were too scared to give him that chance,” Woobin adds on.

“Exactly,” Jungmo says. “Also, this doesn’t change how I feel about you, I promise.”

“I know it doesn’t, babe. If I considered Minhee a threat, I would have addressed it a long time ago. But I know where you stand, and I know it won’t change our relationship. I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”

“Is it because I’m being overdramatic again?” Jungmo says in a self-deprecating tone. 

“It’s not overdramatic,” Woobin says. “Okay, _maybe_ you were pretty overdramatic, and you kinda went overboard. But it was justified. You felt guilty about hurting your best friend, and you didn’t want him to go through that again.”

“You always understand me.”

“I do. I understand all of this now. But you can’t fix Minhee’s heart; that’s not your place,” Woobin says. 

“I know,” Jungmo sighs. “I’ve realized that now.”

“What you _can_ do is fix your relationship with him,” Woobin says assuredly. “And if you can, help Minhee fix his relationship with Hyeongjun.”

“God, I must have done something outstanding in my past life because I was lucky enough to have you in this one,” Jungmo says whimsically as he rests his head on Woobin’s shoulder. 

Woobin lightly caresses his cheek and scatters kisses on the top of his cheek. Jungmo reaches for Woobin’s hand, and the latter wraps his hand around him without any hesitation. 

_This is love,_ Jungmo thinks to himself. _And this love is something I’ve only felt with Woobin._

_I’m sorry, Minhee. I’m sorry._

Moments later, the doctor enters the waiting room to speak to the two of them, announcing that Minhee has recovered from the surgery and he’s ready for visitors. 

“Go,” Woobin says before kissing the top of Jungmo’s head one last time. “Go talk to him.

Minhee is wide awake and tangled beneath the mountain of blankets when Jungmo enters the room. Aside from his exhausted eyes and drained demeanor, he appears fine, as if last night’s crash never even occurred. 

“Not in the mood,” Minhee groans as soon as he sees Jungmo. 

“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now.”

Minhee lets out a heavy breath as he slowly sits up. “It’s not that I don’t want to see you. You’re my best friend, and I’m glad that you came. I just never know what to do with myself when I’m around you, and I think last night proved it more than ever.”

“Speaking of last night, we never finished what we were talking about yesterday,” Jungmo mentions.

Minhee reluctantly reignites the conversation with a question. “How long have you known?”

“Three months.”

“Three months ago? Three months ago was when your wedd— _oh.”_ He pauses as he processes the new information and connects the hazy events. “I see where this is going now.”

“Yeah.”

“Before or after you got married?”

“After.”

“Was I sober?”

“Well, considering you’re asking me that question right now…”

“How much did I tell you?”

“Everything,” Jungmo admits. “You told me everything after I called you that night.”

“That’s great timing on my part,” mumbles Minhee as he collapses his head back onto his pillow. 

“Can we make one thing clear: love? That’s something I’ve only felt with Woobin,” Jungmo asserts. “Of course, I like you, but not in the way you wanted me to. I don’t have feelings for you. Never have, never will.”

“Yeesh, I got it the first time. You don’t have to remind me!” grumbles Minhee as he turns his body away from Jungmo. 

“Minhee, that doesn’t mean the guilt eats me alive every waking moment,” says Jungmo.

Minhee turns towards Jungmo, and the expression on his face is familiar. He saw that expression briefly flash across Jungmo’s face yesterday during their conversation. It’s as if someone bundled up guilt, worry, and regret into a poisonous bullet and aimed right at Jungmo’s head. Like a bullet, it leaves a recognizable scar on Jungmo's face, and Minhee wonders how he didn’t notice this visible façade before. 

“I know how much I hurt you, and I’m _so_ sorry for breaking your heart, Minhee,” he continues, choking on each wired word. “I was scared that you’d never find a cure for your heartbreak, which is why I got so defensive when you got with Hyeongjun so quickly. I just didn’t want you to get your heart broken again after what I did to you.” 

“So everything you did during the double-date was because of that?”

“It was. But the way I went about it was terrible, and I know I destroyed whatever confidence and certainty you had about your relationship.”

“Glad to hear you admit it out loud.”

“Minhee, listen to me,” says Jungmo. “I am so sorry for doubting you and your ability to move on. I shouldn’t have tried meddling or protecting you. This was your journey, and you should’ve been behind the wheel guiding yourself.”

“Well, we both know what happened the last time I was behind the wheel—”

“Okay, shit metaphor, I know,” Jungmo says wryly. “What I mean is, if you’re ready to be with Hyeongjun, then be with him. This time, I’ll support you 100%. Of course, I don’t want this to happen, but in the off-chance, you get your heart broken again, I’ll be there for you, okay? I know I can’t always protect you, but the least I can do is take care of you in the aftermath.”

Minhee ponders on Jungmo’s perspective for a bit, then sits up again as he asks him, “Hyung, do you know where I was when you called?”

A perplexed Jungmo raises an eyebrow at him. “Weren’t you already at home?”

Minhee shakes his head at him. “I was at Hyeongjun’s—he took me home after the wedding,” he recounts. “It was a good weekend. We had a smoothie competition, which I won, by the way. But the best part of that weekend was I could just rant on and on to him, and he’d listen. And the thing about Hyeongjun, he’s not the type to listen to someone for the sake of listening. He truly clings onto every word, and he finds a way to spin it into something good. Hyeongjun transformed what I thought would be the worst weekend of my life into one I’ll treasure forever. He took care of me, and everything changed because he did.”

Jungmo widens his eyes, surprised at the revelation. This whole time, he assumed Minhee had spent the weekend after the wedding moping around and being miserable. The hidden reality was it was the opposite, and Hyeongjun was the reason for that. 

“I won’t lie to you Jungmo, you did break my heart,” Minhee confesses. “Up until the very last minute before your wedding, I was stuck in this thick pool of aching, burning regret. Honestly, I thought I’d be stuck there forever. At this point, you were about to be married—everything leading up to your wedding was irreversible. Everything leading up to me drowning was irreversible. 

Getting my heart broken by you was also irreversible. It already happened. There was no point in ignoring it. 

And because the past was irreversible, it kept sneaking up on me when I least expected it. This next part is gonna make me sound crazy, but you know how people say that when you’re in a near-death experience, your life kinda flashes before your eyes like a vignette?”

“What about it?”

“Well, I saw you, of course. But during the accident, it wasn’t just the past that was playing in my mind. Right before my car ran into the barrier, I also saw _him._ Hyeongjun was the final memory flickering in my mind before I lost consciousness. This probably sounds stupid as shit, but I saw—or if we’re being technical, _see_ —a future with Hyeongjun. In that future, I saw my broken heart being taken care of until it was better and until it was whole again. 

Sure, the past is irreversible, but there’s nothing the future can’t fix, right? Seeing Hyeongjun, it has to mean that he’s my _something?_ Like, a boyfriend, a partner, a soulmate—

“A good-luck charm,” Jungmo murmurs to himself. 

“That too,” Minhee says. “Hyung, please tell me it’s a good thing. I want this to be a good thing.”

Jungmo pats Minhee’s thigh lightly as he smiles at him. “It’s the best thing.”

“Ah, but I probably ruined things with him,” Minhee says morosely. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he wants me gone after the shit I put him through this week.”

The room goes quiet as Jungmo thinks for a moment, suddenly reminded of what was once a throwaway commitment. “Hey, do you remember that promise I made you?” he questions, looking at his best friend intently.

An elated Minhee widens his eyes. “Are you volunteering to finally go bungee jumping?”

“No,” Jungmo responds, deadpanned. “I meant the first time I showed you mine and Woobin’s wedding bands?”

Minhee doesn’t even have a chance to yell at Jungmo for declining his bungee jumping request because his mind slips back to six months ago:

The original engagement ring had never bothered Minhee. An engagement ring was open-ended; it didn’t guarantee a wedding. Rather, it merely opened up the possibility of one. Or, in his case, the possibility of still ending up with Jungmo at the end of all of this.

An engagement ring meant he still had a chance to catch up to Jungmo right before the finish line.

But a pair of wedding bands? 

They were exquisite rings; even Minhee would’ve admitted that at the time. Thin bands of white gold looped in the center to form the recognizable shape of a four-leaf clover. At the center of the metal leaves laid the dazzling diamond.

“Yeah,” Minhee murmurs as he focuses on the memory. “You were telling me how you got four-leaf clover rings because you and Woobin were each other’s good-luck charms.”

“Do you remember what you asked me after?” continues Jungmo.

“Mhm,” answers Minhee. “I said that in exchange for being your best man, I wanted you to bring me a four-leaf clover the next time you found one. I was still pining after you during that time, and I asked for a clover because I needed a good-luck charm of my own.”

“Anyway, just thought I should bring up that story for absolutely no specific reason,” Jungmo teases. 

The younger scoffs at him, lying back down on the hospital cot and wrapping himself in a blanket burrito. “You’re so weird, Hyung.”

“Whatever,” Jungmo taunts. “I’m gonna step out for a bit. I’ll call Woobin to watch over you, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

After, Jungmo heads back to the waiting room where Woobin is still seated and catching up on some assignments for work. 

“Can you stay with Minhee?” Jungmo asks. “I need to go grab something.”

“Of course,” Woobin complies. “What are you getting?”

“I’m getting Minhee’s good-luck charm,” Jungmo answers while grabbing his things.

Woobin understands the reference immediately, and his eyes beam as he glances down at his ring and back up at his husband. “So I’m guessing you’re onto fixing the next relationship?”

“I couldn’t have made it to this point without your help and advice.”

“You flatter me too much.”

“It’s not hard when you’re lucky enough to be married to the most beautiful person on Earth.”

“You’re spending too much time complimenting our relationship instead of mending the other one!” Woobin laughs. 

“I’m headed over there now!” Jungmo says defensively. 

“You have all his apartment information, right?”

“Mhm. I saw it on the contact sheet in Minhee’s room.”

“Then go get him.”

Jungmo nods at him and eagerly rushes to leave. 

“By the way,” he says as he glances over his shoulder to look at Woobin, “I love you. Love is something I’ve only felt for you.”

—

“You need to come see Minhee,” Jungmo announces as soon as Hyeongjun opens the door.

“Well, good morning to you, too,” Hyeongjun mutters. His eyelids are red and puffy, a clear tell that he had either spent the night before lying awake or crying his eyes out or both. 

“He’s awake now,” Jungmo explains. “He’s awake, and you need to come with me now to see him.”

Hyeongjun chews on the inside of his cheek. “I don’t think I should,” he says as he prepares to close the door. 

Jungmo uses his height to his advantage and grabs the top of the door to stop it from closing all the way. “Can I come in?”

If Hyeongjun thought the table for four was intimidating, the table for two with _Jungmo_ was even worse. At least at the table for four, he had Minhee’s presence to keep him company and Woobin to hold Jungmo back. Now, Jungmo was seated across from Hyeongjun in what would’ve been Minhee’s seat. It’s open, unrecognizable territory, and Hyeongjun feels like a matador standing in the way of a bull. He gulps, already struggling to find the right words to keep Jungmo from lashing out at him the same way he did with Minhee.

“So, you and Minhee got in a fight?” Jungmo asks calmly.

Hyeongjun shifts in his seat, already uncomfortable with the interrogation. “After the double date, yeah.”

“It was because of me, wasn’t it?”

Hyeongjun opens his mouth to answer, then quickly closes his mouth in hesitation and digs his fingernails into the cushion of his chair.

“Hyeongjun, it’s okay,” Jungmo says reassuringly. “I already know it was because of me. You don’t have to dodge around it.”

“It’s not _just_ you. It’s also Minhee.”

“Minhee and his feelings for me?”

Hyeongjun groans and slams his head on the mahogany table in distress. “God, it’s so fucking stupid, and maybe it’s just me being an insecure freak again, but I will _never_ compare to you!” he cries out. 

“Hyeongjun, he’s over me,” Jungmo insists.

“You don’t get it, do you?” Hyeongjun objects, still positioned facedown at the table. “Everyone can try to convince me that his feelings for you don’t matter anymore, but they _still do._ Whatever he felt for you is more than an expired fling. 

The thing is, Minhee is my first—the first person I’ve ever felt this way about. 

Then there’s you. You were the first guy Minhee ever _loved._ Do you know how flawless you have to be to be someone’s first love? You’ll always be perfect to him because you were the first. Meanwhile, I’m just second. I’m the person who’s always going to be compared to you whether I like it or not. How could Minhee ever overcome the emotional rollercoaster of a first love and commit to us?

No matter what, I will always be _imperfect.”_

Jungmo reaches out and clutches onto Hyeongjun’s forearm. “What exactly did you overhear Minhee say?”

“I overheard him tell you the way he felt about me was ‘different’ compared to his past infatuation for you,” answers Hyeongjun. “Whatever the _fuck_ that means.”

Jungmo lets go of his arm and gives him a soft smile. “He told me what he meant.”

Hyeongjun sits up and looks up at Jungmo. “He did?”

“He did. The difference is, what Minhee felt for me back then is in the past. What he feels for you is the present, and he wants it to be your future. Trust me, what you guys have is a good thing.”

“If all of this is true, then why didn’t you think he was ready to date?” Hyeongjun questions suspiciously.

“The truth is, I didn’t want him entering a relationship so soon because I didn’t want him to get his heart broken again,” Jungmo admits apologetically. “I knew after what I did to him I wouldn’t be able to fix it, so I promised myself that the least I could do is protect it and stop it from breaking even further. That’s why I didn’t think he was ready, and that’s why I questioned him being in a relationship. I just didn’t want your relationship to blow up in his face. Of course, we both know how that turned out. It wasn’t you guys who caused everything to explode; it was me. It was me who didn’t trust you enough to protect Minhee, and I will always be sorry that I didn’t trust you sooner. 

I had this baseless fear that Minhee was doomed to be unlucky. But he isn’t. He’s actually the luckiest person alive because _you_ came into his life right when he needed you the most. 

It’s _you,_ Hyeongjun. You’re the only one who can fix his shattered heart and help him fall in love again without fearing the same pain I brought him.”

“Hyung, I am way too tired and anxious for vague statements right now.”

“What I’m saying is, you _are_ perfect for Minhee. More perfect for him than I ever could have been. I’m sorry for not seeing it sooner, and I’m sorry for pushing you guys apart. I couldn’t fix his heart, but at least let me try and fix this relationship. So come back and see him. Please?”

“Where did you disappear off to?” Minhee asks when Jungmo returns almost an hour later.

“I was searching for your four-leaf clover,” he reveals. 

Minhee’s entire face glows with curiosity and excitement. “Did you actually find one?”

“No, definitely not. Dumbass, do you even know how rare those are? I’m not gonna stand outside looking for a clover for you out of all people.”

“Jungmo, I literally almost died.”

“Hey, hey, I wasn’t finished!” Jungmo says. “I have another good-luck charm, and this one’s even rarer than a clover. He’s waiting outside.”

_“He?”_

“I’ll let him know to come in.”

Jungmo leaves the room, and moments after, Hyeongjun walks through the doorway. 

“So, I’m guessing you’re gonna need a killer hangover cure?” he says wryly.

“I am _not_ drinking your smoothie!” Minhee says as he sits up, grimacing at the thought. Hyeongjun sits close to him on the edge of the cot. 

“You’re an idiot, by the way,” Hyeongjun begins.

“I know, I know,” sighs Minhee.

“I guess I’m an even bigger idiot, saving you from drunk driving only for you to end up stitched-up in ICU with a DUI charge three months later,” Hyeongjun says deprecatingly. 

“Hey, a lot of good came out of that night!” Minhee points out. “You say that like it’s a bad thing!”

“What if falling for you so fast is the bad thing?” Hyeongjun blurts out. Both of them fall silent, with Minhee unsure of how to react. 

“I thought I was going to drown when I found out what happened,” Hyeongjun continues in a hushed voice. 

“Hyeongjun, I’m so sorry,” Minhee apologizes.

“You weren’t drinking last night to forget about me, right?” Hyeongjun asks meekly.

Minhee gives him a concerned look. “Why would I ever do that?” 

“I don’t know! You’re the type to drink away the pain, and the first time we met, you drank a lot to forget about Jungmo—”

“You’re comparing yourself to Jungmo?”

“I can’t help it! Sometimes I just feel like I don’t compare to him.”

“You’re right, Hyeongjun,” Minhee states. “You don’t compare to Jungmo, not even in the slightest. Frankly, you never will.”

“Huh—”

“You didn’t let me finish!” Minhee interrupts hastily. “After the crash, I figured out what I meant when I said whatever I felt for you was _different._ Do you remember what I said, right before I asked you out?”

“No.”

“Hyeongjun!”

“That monologue you gave before asking me out was super long!”

“I wasn’t that long!”

“You just droned on and on and on—”

“Hyeongjun, I’m talking about when I said everything changed after you took me home that night,” Minhee remarks and Hyeongjun instantly remembers what he’s talking about:  
 _“Don’t play games with me, Hyeongjun. I know it was just one weekend, but you can’t deny everything changed when you took me home.”_

_“You’re right, things did change. But like you said, it was just one weekend, and everything will revert back to how it was once you get in your car and drive back home.”_

_“Why do you think I got out of my car and ran back to you instead?”_

“Everything changed, and that’s why everything with you was _different,”_ Minhee explains. “Jungmo says you’re my good-luck charm, and I guess I can see why. Out of all the people who could have taken me home that night, I was lucky enough to stumble across you. But you didn't _just_ save me from driving the wedding night, Hyeongjun. You saved me from slipping back into the past and being trapped in a glass box, strangled by my own memories.

You saved me from heartbreak.

When I thought I had lost you, my world came crashing down, and I couldn’t stop falling through layers of lethal glass.”

“That’s a little dramatic.”

“But it’s true! I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you,” Minhee answers without hesitation. “And here’s why: I had met someone so perfect for me. For the first time, I could see my future play out with someone _immediately._ The way I feel about this someone is so exhilarating and head-spinning, and I mean that in the best way possible! 

The night I met Jungmo back in college, I met my best friend. The night of his wedding, I met that _someone_ —my soulmate.

My heartbreak cure.

And I’m sorry for making you feel any less than that.”

“I’m sorry, too, for bringing up Jungmo and starting that fight,” Hyeongjun says. “I guess I got so caught up with how perfect everything was going; every day, we floated higher and higher.

Then, the double date happened and, suddenly, everything was _imperfect,_ and that love bubble of ours popped. I didn’t know where we stood or what was going to happen to us. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was drowning, and all the oxygen was being sucked out of me. I guess I just got caught up in my own insecurities.”

Minhee winces at the last sentence. “You have every right to not forgive me.”

“But I do,” Hyeongjun reveals. “I would forgive you at the end of all of this because you’re my first love.”

“Your first _what?!”_

“My first love,” Hyeongjun repeats, the corner of his lips twitching into a faint smile. “My first _everything._ It sounds magical, doesn’t it? Until further down the line when you realize how irreplaceable first loves are. Surely, it’s petrifying, knowing you have something so rare yet so _delicate._ If you break it or lose it, that’s it. It’s impossible to ever replace a first love.”

“So _that’s_ why you were so worried about me still loving Jungmo,” Minhee realizes. “Because you thought you were incomparable to him? And that you couldn’t replace him?”

“Yeah,” Hyeongjun admits softly. “That’s why.”

“I see now why you were so worried about Jungmo, and you had every right to,” Minhee says. “I guess I got so caught in Jungmo’s opinion about us and his opinion about me because of everything I’ve gone through. This ambivalent, sentimental feeling kept lingering on. My past with Jungmo is permanent and irreversible, and I could never be able to escape it. It’s like that feeling when you spend too much time in the darkness?”

“Yeah,” Hyeongjun answers. “I know exactly what you mean. Kinda like you’re—”

“Drowning?” Minhee chimes in.

“Exactly,” Hyeongjun says, nodding at him. “It’s exactly that, and you’re just surrounded by this water, and it fights you and locks your limbs in place.”

“I think what happened was, I became too accustomed to darkness and allowed myself to drown in my feelings,” Minhee explains. “When we met, you pulled me out of that pool. But after you spend so much time in the darkness, you’re blinded when you face the sun for the first time.

That’s what happened, Hyeongjun. Being with you was the first time in years I wasn’t spending each day thinking _Maybe_ or _What-if?_ Like you said, the time we spent together was perfect. But I’m not used to things falling into place for me so easily, which is why Jungmo planting those questions in my mind made me consider stepping back into the darkness.

But I don’t want to go back anymore. I don’t care if I have to squint to see the sun. I want to stay above the surface long enough to open my eyes and make out every detail of this beautiful world we share.

So please, let me stay above the water with you, and I’ll prove to you that falling for me isn’t a bad thing.”

“There’s no need,” Hyeongjun refutes.

“Hyeongjun, you’re not ending things, are you?” Minhee’s voice wavers as he anxiously relays the question.

Entertained by Minhee’s genuine concern, Hyeongjun breaks his serious composure and lets out a chain of loud laughter.

“What’s so funny?” Minhee questions, squinting his eyes at him. 

“You thought I came all this way to end things?” asks an amused Hyeongjun.

“That’s how you’re making it seem, yeah!”

“You don’t have to prove anything! I already know; Jungmo exposed you and spilled everything you told him earlier!”

“That snitch!” Minhee shrieks. “What did he tell you!”

“How you’re hopelessly in love with me!”

“Boo!”

“I’m exaggerating. He didn’t actually say that! Basically, he answered my question as to whether or not you still have feelings for him. Now, I wholeheartedly believe you when you say you don’t have feelings for Jungmo. 

There’s no need for you to prove that falling for you isn’t a bad thing. I already know it isn’t.

I already know falling for you is the _best thing.”_

Instead of being charmed by Hyeongjun’s declaration, Minhee glares at him, pretending to be pissed. “So you just gave me that melodramatic speech even though you knew how I really felt!”

“What, am I not allowed to mess around with you!”

“You sounded so somber! It had me thinking you were about to break up with me!”

“I didn’t realize I meant _that_ much to you, Kang Minhee,” Hyeongjun quips. “It’s a little embarrassing if you ask me! First, you vomiting on me, then you proposing to me, and now this?”

“Weren’t you the one who kissed a complete stranger on the forehead the night you met them just because you thought they were cute!” Minhee fires back.

“Who said I thought you were cute?”

“Don’t think I don’t hear you murmuring to yourself when we’re lying in bed together!”

Hyeongjun’s cheeks go warm, and he uses the sleeves of his sweater to mask his blush. “You could hear me this whole time?” he asks nervously.

“Wait, I just said that to catch you off guard!” mocks Minhee. “I didn’t think you’d actually admit to doing that!”

“Hey!”

“Now you have to let me sleepover again so I can confirm it!” Minhee giggles before shifting to a serious tone. “If you’ll let me, of course.”

“I told you already,” Hyeongjun reminds him, “If you ever want to stay the night, just ask.”

“Hyeongjun, can I spend the night?”

“Hmm, it depends. That so-called someone you were referring to earlier is _me,_ right?” 

“Of course it’s you!” exclaims Minhee. He reaches for Hyeongjun’s hand and squeezes it tight. “Did I not make it obvious enough?”

“You did, I’m just teasing,” Hyeongjun snickers. “And _yes_ you can spend the night.”

“Okay, okay!” Minhee says with delightful ecstasy. “Hyeongjun, I just hope you understand Jungmo, and I will always have history; he’s my past, and there’s no changing that.

But if I still have the chance of making you my eternal future, I’d slam the brakes and take that chance in a heartbeat.”

Hyeongjun drops Minhee’s hand, then smacks his forehead. “Only you would use a driving metaphor after getting in an accident!” he says critically.

Minhee grins at him. “What, too cheesy?”

“No, too morbid!”

“It’s only morbid if I die!”

“Stop saying that!” whines Hyeongjun, once again using his sweater paws to smack Minhee. “I am _not_ losing you again!”

Minhee’s eyes illuminate with that intimate, irresistible longingness. He grabs hold of Hyeongjun’s arm, pulling him close just like when he proposed the first night they met. Silence explodes in the room, echoing in the minimal space between the two of them. It’s a tender hush, the kind where their feelings still resonate and pulsate despite the lack of conversation. 

With the slightest movement, he gently presses his forehead against Hyeongjun’s, cupping his cheek as he whispers, “You never lost me in the first place.” 

Hyeongjun leans in and kisses him, and _finally,_ he can _breathe again._

He wraps his arms around Minhee’s neck, pulling him even closer to deepen the kiss. As Minhee kisses him back, he feels himself ascend above the dark waves and towards the brighter, clearer sky. Hyeongjun can picture it clearly: both of them slow dancing in the silked, milk-colored clouds. 

When he places his fingertips on Minhee’s heart, he feels it beating faster and faster. Minhee’s heartbeat continues to quicken, as if he’s ascending on a rollercoaster, aiming to touch the clouds before dropping down and flying back up. Then, the coaster enters a loop, and for a moment, gravity doesn’t exist. Nothing else exists except this restless, euphoric fever. 

Throughout the past week, Hyeongjun couldn’t decipher what Minhee was thinking or feeling. Right now, he does. Right now, Hyeongjun knows that Minhee missed levitating just as much as he did. 

“Alright, pack it up now,” booms a voice in the doorway. Minhee and Hyeongjun jump simultaneously and immediately pull away to find a smug Jungmo holding back his laughter as he leans against the doorway.

“How long have you been there!” Minhee shouts, slightly flustered by the unexpected interruption. 

“Long enough to want to gauge my eyes out,” Jungmo gags.

“Loser!”

“I’m not the one who has to pay a DUI fine now, aren’t I?”

“That was too soon and out-of-pocket!”

Hyeongjun observes the friendly bickering. He knew that he and Minhee wouldn’t have this for a while—this sense of familiarity and ease shared between people who have known each other for years. But for the first time since meeting Minhee, Hyeongjun was wholly okay with the thought. The history between Jungmo and Minhee would always exist, but the future between him and Minhee was still waiting to unfold. Those chapters were still in the process of being written, but eventually, they’d be completed. Hopefully, his love story with Minhee would have a different ending than Minhee’s love story with Jungmo. A happier ending. A luckier ending.

A perfect ending. 

He smiles at the thought while watching the two best friends argue over some unrelated nonsense. 

“Anyway, Woobin and I are gonna head out and get lunch,” Jungmo says, refocusing the conversation. “Is there anything you guys need while we’re out?”

“I’m okay,” Minhee says as he glances towards Hyeongjun. “I have everything I need now. Do you?”

Hyeongjun looks into his eyes. “I have everything I need, too.”

“God, at least Woobin and I know to get a room!” Jungmo says with disgust.

“Last time I checked, this _is_ my room!” Minhee calls out.

“A hospital room doesn’t count!”

“Don’t you have food to grab!”

Jungmo finally leaves after a few more childish exchanges, and Minhee rolls his eyes once he’s gone. “Can you believe _that’s_ the guy I spent years crying over?”

“To be fair, I spent a week crying over _you,”_ Hyeongjun says, jabbing Minhee’s chest.

“What’s that supposed to mean!”

“It means you still owe me a week’s worth of kisses,” teases Hyeongjun. 

Minhee pouts at him. “That’s a lot!”

“Well, then you better get started,” Hyeongjun sings. 

This time, Minhee leans in and completes the kiss, checking off the first of many more to come. After, he leaves a trail of fresh kisses across the corner of Hyeongjun’s lips, cheek, jawline, and down his neck.

“Stop, you know I’m ticklish there!” Hyeongjun squeals when Minhee’s lips touch a spot behind his earlobe.

“I’m just paying up my week’s worth!” laughs Minhee, wrapping his arms around Hyeongjun’s waist. He tugs him closer, allowing Hyeongjun a better look at his light freckles. Automatically, Hyeongjun begins counting them one by one. 

He runs his fingers across Minhee’s features, tracing lines across the clusters of freckles. Each single mark is like a memory from the past three months, and their future comes to life as Hyeongjun connects the dots.

“How many freckles do I have, by the way?” Minhee asks abruptly.

The question snaps Hyeongjun out of his daze. “I’m sorry?”

“Please, you make it so obvious that you’re always counting them,” Minhee points out. “So, how many?”

“I don’t know yet,” Hyeongjun answers as he uses his thumb to affectionately stroke Minhee’s cheek. “I’ll have to keep counting.”

“Can you count them forever?” Minhee murmurs. “Because I never, ever want this to stop. I know it’s early. I know it’s only been three months, but I want us to stay like this forever.”

“Will you still have the honor of doing the dishes for me?” Hyeongjun whispers.

“Only if you give me the honor of seeing you walk down the aisle in the future,” Minhee says back.

“Then let’s stay.” Hyeongjun leans in to kiss him one more time, revitalized at the thought that this wouldn’t be their last. It was probably too early to call, but he wishes that they would never have a last kiss. Regardless, that didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was _this_ moment.

At this moment, everything is okay again. 

_Everything is perfect again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter is fluff i won't break up minisong anymore I PROMISE
> 
> Next ao3 work will be on valentine's day btw HEHEHEHEHE


	4. Memory 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What would you do if I said yes to your proposal?"

**double down (v.) — strengthen one’s commitment to a particular course of action**

—

“Yeah, we’re on the way to pick him up right now,” Jungmo says on the phone while driving. “No, I didn’t tell him! Come on, do you not trust me? I can totally keep a secret!”

“No, he can’t!” Woobin chimes in.

“Jungmo, just try not to be a screw-up for once, okay?” Minhee groans. “I’m already freaking out enough as is.”

“It’ll be fine,” Woobin insists. “He’s going to say yes.”

“Exactly, what he said,” agrees Jungmo. “You’re not going to get rejected, and this time, I’m 100% certain about it. Just focus on getting everything prepared, and we’ll bring him there. Don’t forget, Woobin and I will be cheering you on the second you kneel down.”

“Thanks. I really appreciate it, honestly,” Minhee says sincerely. “Anyway, I gotta finish setting up. Text me when you guys pick him up.”

Once Minhee hangs up, Woobin looks at Jungmo with warm curiosity. “You sure are taking the best man role seriously,” he jokes lightheartedly. 

Jungmo smiles wide at him, overflowing with excitement like sparkling fizz. “I promised him.” 

Minutes later, they arrive at Hyeongjun’s apartment complex, make their way up to the fourth floor, and knock on the door. Hyeongjun answers immediately, indicating that he’s been ready for a while and was just waiting for Minhee. When he opens the door and finds the older pair instead of his boyfriend, he’s taken aback. “You’re not Minhee,” he huffs, crossing his arms and pretending to be upset. 

“Sorry to disappoint,” Jungmo answers with fake remorse, “But blame your stupid fian—” 

Woobin immediately nudges him with his elbow, shooting him a look that says, _They’re not engaged yet, so stop spoiling the surprise!_

“Minhee’s running late, so he asked us to come pick you up for our double date,” Woobin explains nonchalantly. “We’ll meet him there.”

“Sounds good,” says Hyeongjun. “Kinda weird that he didn’t text or call me to give me a heads-up.”

 _This idiot._ “That is very weird of him,” Jungmo mutters under his breath as Hyeongjun closes his door. 

“I’m surprised Minhee didn’t sleepover last night,” Woobin mentions once the three of them are in the car. “He rarely spends time in his own apartment these days.”

“Ah, well, he said his engineering firm had some busy project for a top client, so he had to work overtime,” explains Hyeongjun.

 _That’s the best excuse he could come up with?_ Jungmo thinks to himself. _Dumbass._

He adjusts his rearview mirror and cocks an eyebrow at Hyeongjun. “Has he mentioned anything about living together?” 

“I’ve been dropping hints about him moving in permanently, but I dialed back a bit because I could tell I was stressing him out,” Hyeongjun laughs. “Normally, I’m the one getting flustered, but the second I bring up moving together, he automatically freaks out.”

“What about _marriage?”_

Hyeongjun’s face deepens into a rosy color. “I may or may not have mentioned it a couple times the past few weeks, but like I said, he’s been freaking out and getting all panicky.”

“Doesn’t it worry you that he seems stressed about the next chapter of your relationship?” asks Woobin.

Hyeongjun bites the inside of his cheek. “A little,” he answers hesitantly, “There are still days where I revert back to that younger, insecure version of me. The one that’s _terrified_ of losing everything and being stranded all alone at my kitchen table. 

That version of me was always _looking_ for something, and no matter how hard he searched, he just couldn’t seem to find it. I was haunted by this thought that maybe I was incapable of ever escaping loneliness, and I was just destined to live out my life as written.

But, I found Minhee. I _have_ Minhee. When I’m with him, I’m not afraid because he doesn’t leave any room for fear or insecurities. All of that just disappears when I’m with him. I don’t know what it is, but even something as mundane as silence becomes otherworldly when I’m with him. Plus, we can talk to each other about anything. Whenever I feel anxious about his responses, I remember that if he _really_ had an issue, he wouldn’t have hesitated to talk to me. 

Minhee is stubborn, the type that needs a push when it comes to admitting his feelings. But once he finds someone who he trusts will listen, he’ll talk. And during one of our talks, he told me he wants to see me walk down the aisle one day, so I know he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure I _do_ meet him at the altar. 

I guess you could say, no, I’m not completely worried, because I know it’ll happen eventually. But it’ll happen when he’s ready, and I’ll be there with my answer.”

“You’re gonna reject his proposal, aren’t you?” Woobin teases.

“Oh, absolutely!” Hyeongjun plays along.

“Good for you,” Jungmo adds on. “Why settle for _Kang Minhee!”_

“Right! It’s been a _long_ two years.”

“I can imagine.”

“I’ll let you two in on a secret: I only kept him around because he does the dishes for me,” Hyeongjun says. “I’m kidding, obviously. Of _course,_ I’ll answer yes! But I probably won’t be answering for a while.”

Woobin and Jungmo exchange a sly, secretive glance, doing their best to stifle their snickers. 

“Jungmo weren’t you supposed to make a left back there,” Hyeongjun questions during the drive. “The movie theatre is way back over there.”

“Woobin and I scheduled tickets for a different theatre,” pretends Jungmo. “They have more snack options and those cool reclining seats, so we opted for this one instead of the one in the center of the city.”

“Oh cool, what’s it called?”

“We forgot the name,” Woobin says as a cover-up.

“Wouldn’t the theatre name be printed on the ticket?”

“Our tickets are online, and I don’t have enough data to pull it up on my phone right now.”

“Then, I guess I’ll just be left in suspense until the grand reveal!”

 _Oh, it’ll be grand alright,_ Jungmo thinks. 

The rest of the drive is mostly quiet, but Hyeongjun doesn’t mind. Two years ago, he would’ve gulped at the thought of being trapped in a car with Jungmo, but over the past years, they had developed a mutual understanding. Any animosity they felt during the first double date was long gone, and in its place, a genuine friendship. 

Jungmo pulls into a parking lot, then the three get out of the car. Hyeongjun instantly recognizes where they are and realizes Jungmo and Woobin were dishonest about the movie theatre.

Because right now, the three of them are standing outside _the wedding venue._

The one where Jungmo and Woobin held their reception. 

The one where Minhee and Hyeongjun first met. 

“Wait a minute,” Hyeongjun murmurs. He turns towards the married pair, a deadly suspicion glimmering in his squinted eyes. “It all makes sense now: Minhee sleeping at his place, you guys picking me up instead of him. What kind of ruse did you two scheme up with him!” 

“We don’t have anything planned!” lies Jungmo.

“We were supposed to go to the movie theatre!” Hyeongjun rebukes. 

“The gala hall is hosting a private screening,” Woobin says, making his excuse up on the spot. “Look,” he continues, pointing at the venue’s entrance, “They have a note posted on the door explaining all the details.” 

Woobin wasn’t lying about there being a note because plastered on the gold-trimmed doors is a pale yellow sheet of paper. The three of them make their way to the entrance, and Hyeongjun peels the paper off the door to read its message. Instantly, he recognizes Minhee’s handwriting. 

_You always count my freckles,_ reads the note, _So, I figured it was time for you to count something else. Here are all my favorite memories with you. Keep in mind, I had to limit it to thirty for efficiency’s sake, but every memory we’ve written is my favorite chapter._

The corner of Hyeongjun’s lips twitches as he tries to stifle his smile. “He’s so dramatic, isn’t he?” he chimes. “How much more ostentatious can he get?”

“Why don’t we take a look and see,” Jungmo answers, pushing the glass door open and leading the trio to the building’s intensely intricate foyer. 

Hyeongjun has worked at this specific venue several times, with it being one of the most popular places for wedding receptions and all sorts. Despite his familiarity with the building, walking through always left him with a breathless desire. Overall, it was a minimalist design: tall white walls and tiled flooring. However, it was the decor that truly blew Hyeongjun away. Pale gold strings of fake vines twirled around the monumental pillars standing in between the immense windows. No curtains covered the windows, allowing every beam of opalescent sunlight to shoot through the glass and light up the room. Lastly was Hyeongjun’s favorite part of the room: a grand staircase, just like the ones lead protagonists would elegantly walk down during the climax of a storybook. 

_One day,_ Hyeongjun would always think to himself, _One day._

Hyeongjun notices a highlighter-pink sticky note stuck on the wooden railing as he makes his way to the staircase. He picks it up before reading it to himself. 

_Memory 1: Our first smoothie competition—mostly because I won this round!_

“What is it?” Woobin asks, pretending to be clueless about Minhee’s plan. 

“Ah, nothing,” Hyeongjun answers quickly, feeling too shy to reveal the contents. “Just a silly note.”

Woobin and Jungmo share another glance at one another just as Hyeongjun notices more sticky notes at the top of the staircase and skips toward them. They trail behind him, giving him space to find the path of sticky-notes on his own. 

Hyeongjun finds the first four sticky-notes scattered along the staircase. After reaching the top, his gut tells him to turn left in the hallway. Just as he expected, the next sticky-note is displayed on the wall. 

_Memory 5: The first time I kissed you on your balcony. I couldn’t help myself. How could I when you looked so pretty under the moonlight? Then, you pushed me off and asked, “Holy hell, you like me enough to kiss me?”_

_I did. I always did._

Every detail of their first kiss reemerges in Hyeongjun’s mind. He remembers pulling away, feeling a pleasant mixture of shock and whimsy. Minhee gazed at him with lingering longingness as he answered his question. 

_“Yeah, I do. Is that a bad thing?” answered Minhee._

_“N-No, not at all,” Hyeongjun stammered. “Unless I’m a bad kisser, otherwise that’d be humiliating!”_

_“Hmm, well, in order to give a proper analysis, I’d have to kiss you again, no?”_

Next, Hyeongjun continues making his way down the hallways, deciding to head towards the direction of the main ballroom. His instincts are correct because he continues to find more sticky-notes, each lined with precious instances that even Hyeongjun had forgotten about. 

_Memory 8: Immediately after I got discharged from the hospital, I spent the night at your place. Low and behold, I caught you murmuring about me in your sleep! And you say I’m the embarrassing one in this relationship!_

_Memory 22: When I insisted on heading home because I had a fever, but you let me spend the night anyway. The next morning, you woke up sick. I was about to go on one of my “told you so” rants, but you just answered,_

_“This fever is totally worth all those goodnight kisses.”_

As he finds his way through the halls and finds more notes, Hyeongjun begins to notice a vagueness in the last few sticky-notes. All of them seem to be alluding to one thing:

Marriage. 

_Memory 24: For our second anniversary, I got you a charm bracelet. You were so ecstatic when you opened up the box, shaking your wrist around to hear the jingle of the silver charms._

_Get ready to add a diamond to your collection._

Finally, at the ballroom’s entrance, Hyeongjun gathers the twenty-ninth sticky-note. 

_Memory 29: You’ve been asking about what I think about getting married. I know my reactions don’t seem enthusiastic, but it’s only because I panicked when I realized you’ve been thinking about it just as much as I have._

He enters the ballroom and finds Minhee at the bar, spinning around on one of the stools. Suddenly, Hyeongjun is transported to two years ago, when Minhee slid into his seat at the bar after his speech and asked for his first drink. 

“Okay, I know you didn’t arrange all of this just to go on one of your never-ending, long-winded rants again,” Hyeongjun says as he approaches him. “So, just skip all that mushy-gushy nonsense you always say and just get to the point.”

“I was getting there!” Minhee whines.

“Get there faster!”

“I will if you stop interrupting!”

“For crying out loud,” Jungmo interrupts as he and Woobin crash through the room. “Minhee, stop being a dramatic loser and just get it over with!”

Minhee gives Jungmo a death glare before turning back to Hyeongjun. “Did you find the thirtieth sticky note?” he asks.

Hyeongjun flips through the stack of sticky-notes in his hand then puffs his cheeks out. “I only have twenty-nine!”

“Because the thirtieth one,” Minhee says as he uncaps his marker, “Is right here.” 

His hand shakes as he messily scribbles some words onto the neon sticky-note. Then, he playfully sticks it on Hyeongjun’s forehead. Hyeongjun blows a raspberry at him before peeling off the sticky-note, turning it over, and reading the final memory: 

_Memory 30: When you said “yes.”_

“Two years ago, I proposed to my soulmate,” Minhee begins as he gets up from the stool. “But the way I went about it was super embarrassing and you _still_ won’t let me live it down! So, I demand a redo—sober this time.”

The nerves he was feeling earlier this morning have evaporated now that Hyeongjun is right in front of him. Now, he feels like he can take over the world, and all he needs is Hyeongjun by his side to accomplish his task. Slowly, he kneels towards the floor, then reaches for a plush box from the pocket of his jacket. “Song Hyeongjun,” he announces adoringly, “Will you marry me?”

Hyeongjun steps closer to him then squats down in front of him. “Kang Minhee?”

“Yes, Hyeongjun?” 

“What would you do if I said yes to your proposal?” he chirps.

“Probably kiss you right here, right now,” says Minhee, slightly embarrassed by his response.

“Then let’s skip to that part, shall we?” Hyeongjun says flirtatiously.

Minhee creases his forehead and gives him a puzzled look. “Is that a ye—” 

Hyeongjun interrupts Minhee with a kiss, clasping his hand around his neck as their lips lock in place. “Yes,” he says breathlessly after pulling away, “I will marry you.”

“Hyeongjun, what happened to saying no!” Jungmo calls out.

Minhee slowly turns towards him, and his eye violently twitches. “Jungmo, what happened to not messing up my engagement!” 

“It’s not a _real_ engagement if someone doesn’t purposely ruin the moment,” Woobin jokes.

Minhee scoffs at the married couple as he stands up. He pulls a giggly Hyeongjun off the ground then slides the ring onto his finger. Once it’s wrapped around his finger, Hyeongjun holds his hand up next to the ballroom’s skyscraping windows. The detailing on the band is breathtaking, but the diamond truly steals the show. Each clear cut scatters the warm sunlight into miniature glitters. 

“Is the ring okay?” Minhee asks, looking closely at Hyeongjun’s hand.

Tongue in cheek, Hyeongjun glances at him. “Eh, I’ve seen better,” he says sardonically.

“You’re acting coy again, aren’t you, Song Hyeongjun?” Minhee says, calling him out on his bluff.

“I said yes, didn’t I?” 

“So, you actually accepted? I’m not dreaming again?”

“You aren’t, Minhee.”

“We’re getting married?”

“We’re getting married.”

This time, Minhee gives him a quick kiss then pulls him in for a tight hug, refusing to pull away. As they continue holding each other, Minhee opens his eyes and looks straight at Jungmo with a recognizable emotion.

_Sentimental._

“Thank you,” he mouths to him. “I love you.”

Silently, Jungmo nods back at him as tears brim in his eyes. “I promised,” he whispers back. 

“You okay?” Woobin asks, lightly rubbing circles on Jungmo’s back.

“It’s all coming full-circle,” Jungmo chuckles as he wipes his tears. “Now, I’m gonna be the best man.”

“Don’t even _think_ about falling in love with the bartender!” 

“But it worked out well for Minhee!”

“Well, Minhee was single when he first met the bartender,” Woobin says. _“You_ on the other hand are _married_ to _me!”_

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Jungmo sighs before pulling him in for a hug.

While Hyeongjun is busy attacking Minhee with an ambush of kisses, Jungmo heads over to the bar. He picks up the marker and sticky notes and writes his own memory for the newly-engaged pair. 

_Memory 31: The four of us, celebrating this perfect proposal and even more perfect engagement. We’re the luckiest people alive, aren’t we?_

_Congrats, Minhee. You and Hyeongjun are finally getting your happy ending._

_As your best man, I’ll be right by your side up until you exchange vows with Hyeongjun._

_I promise._

_(By the way, planning a wedding is a pain in the ass, so get ready to rip your hair out and write some passive-aggressive emails!)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAYYYYYY WE MADE IT!!!!!! It's been a year since I first started posting here on ao3, and I have to say this is my most FAVORITE WORK EVER so thank you for joining me on this journey <333333333
> 
> Also I do a lot of twt polls that help me decide which project to work on next so if u ever want me to write something specific then follow me @deovity to participate and vote tyyy

**Author's Note:**

> ANNNNNND that’s where chapter one ends sorry! More will definitely be explained in Ch 2 (esp in regards to jungmo and minhee’s dynamic!!)
> 
> Anyway, i’ve had this story idea in my brain ever since september and i’m so excited to finally write it!! It’s really going to test the relationships and the status quo of this series so stay tuned :D


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